9.29.2002 

Ode to Tom Wopat O Tom Wopat You are so that You are Luke Duke And you got to hang out with Daisy Duke You got to hang out with Catherine Bach She is so hot Even though she's to old these days I still say If only she wasn't your cousin You guys would be 'a huggin' O Wopat Its just not fair Why did you guys have to go off the air Now my life is sad like rain What a cool guy, that Rosco P. Coltrain Uncle Jesse, Bo, and the gang I wish I could hang . . . Or come along As long as Boss Hog Wasn't there O Mr. Wopat You're cool Luke Duke and me For all eternity

9.27.2002 

I want to be consumed by You. In my thoughts, actions, words. To be consumed with Your heart. Your passion. Your smile. I want to be obsessed with You. Every second. Every breath. I want to take You in and breathe You back out. To be as vital and necessary as air, as food, as water. I want to hang on Your every word. To be so captivated, so caught up in You. Everything else just goes away. Fades into nothing and fades into You. Nothing on mind but You.

9.26.2002 

I hate sinning, but I love my sin. I hate who I am right now, but I love who I am becoming. I just wish I didn't screw up so much. Got a new cd by Iz. He's a 800 lb sumo wrestler who plays Hawaiin music. And I made a Aimee Mann and Tifton Merritt cd mix today. For some reason, and I don't know why I think I've started to like SELECT country music. I think it all started when I really got into acoustic/unplugged stuff, which led me to Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, and Mason Jennings. They led me to folk/rootsy music, which led me to Norah Jones, Billy Bragg, Aimee Mann. They led me to bluegrass, which led me to Allison Krauss and Union Station. And finally they led me to Tifton Merritt and the new Dixie Chicks album. Never in all of my life did I think I would like SELECT country music. What has my life become? I gotta go now. I've gotta go thrash to Blindside and POD to keep me from liking Billy Ray Cyrus and Dwight Yokam.

9.25.2002 

I hate the print shop. Like with a strong passion. Like if I wasn't a sane individual I might bash all the copiers and folders and staplers and hole punchers and cutters and stacks and stacks of paper with a baseball bat. I hate it. And whats worse, the only thing keeping me sane besides Jesus is a 800 lb sumo wrestler, hawaiian guitar playing, singer who I have looped on my cd player playing Somewhere Over the Rainbow all day while the copiers click click click click away. Somewhere over the rainbow man. Good song.

 

Overwhelming joy or is it a place of pain? She sits and cries and lets it all out. Only God sees her, feels her pain. He looks deep into her hurt, there is shame in her tears. He looks for the future joy in them. She hurts and is heavy and no one offers her truth, the bridge of healing, the hand of grace. A sad bitter, bitter heart is being touched, and no one helps her see the One. The Lover, the God of Grace. What does He think? What way will He use? He is big enough, bigger than us and our ways. Big enough for her. Arms wide, preparing for the embrace. He waits for her sorrows to fade, and then her joy begins.

 

Finished The Life You've Always Wanted. Now I'm diving into those 3 commentaries and Romans.

9.24.2002 

I'm getting ready to start a real in depth study of Romans. I've really been challenged lately to go deeper in my search for Truth. I've always just accepted answers or listened to what others had to say. I've never really memorized any scripture or gotten real deep in my knowledge of scripture. I'm not being legalistic about it by any means. But I really want to get beyond the surface in my walk and my learning. A lot of things for me have always been real superficial and I don't want that anymore. So I'm going to try and dig deeper. And I'm going to set the most loftiest goal ever in trying to memorize a good portion of Romans. I'd like to know Romans like the back of my hand. I don't know how long I'm going to study it, but probably for a long while. Maybe a year of in depth study. I was listening to Mark Driscoll give a message at this conference on gospel and culture and he was telling about one of the guys he mentored who had only been a Christian for 18 months and already he had memorized the book of Galatians and Philippians. He was extremely deep already after only 18 months. I was just really challenged to go deeper. Especially since I spend so much time reading other authors and their books. I thought maybe I should actually start spending some time with God's book. I probably should have started off with something not so complex as Romans, but I've already been reading through and doing some minor study for the past month in the book, plus I love Romans, so I figured why not. Lets just jump in feet first. So thats what I'm doing. I'll be reading John Stott's, Martin Luther's, and John Calvin's commentaries on Romans as I go along. Its going to be interesting to read through Calvin and Luther's commentaries because they are such polar opposites sometimes. Especially when I get to Romans 9. But getting real confused is always fun.

 

The sweet smell of You I will contemplate your vastness, the depths I will meditate on Your heart Your understanding is above me So much is beyond me I know so little, grasp even less I can barely hold enough of You To keep me satisfied I want more than what I have I want to be further along and closer to the Truth I want to touch it Relax in it, rest in it So much more past me Bring me closer Open my eyes bigger Tune me in Pull me into the middle The source of it all, the source of the Truth The source of You What makes You do it Show me that

9.23.2002 

What I am listening to this week: Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head, Moby - 18, I Am Sam Soundtrack, Ben Harper Mix, 6 cd conference teaching from Mark Driscoll on Gospel and Culture, David Crowder Band - Can You Hear Us What I am reading this week: The Life You've Always Wanted - John Ortberg, Romans, Romans - A Commentary by John Stott, Commentaries on Romans by John Calvin and Martin Luther, Backpacker Magazine, and Christian History magazine with G.K. Chesterton as the feature

9.21.2002 

I'm got in last night about 10:00 in good 'ole Alabama. The rednecks have already tried to convert me. Its rough. I have to run really fast so they can't get me. But they're fast. They have trucks. And I have a girl car. So they always win. Hmmmnnnn . . . moving right along. Last week was probably the busiest week I've had all year. Work was swamped. I must have made a million copies. School was crappy, but thats a given. But it was different last week. I had such a fresh perspective on everything. It was weird. Its extremely hard to explain, but it was almost like everything was in slow motion. I was at perfect peace with my situation. I just felt this overwhelming grace. It was just different. Different from the month before I know that. Especially last week. Last week I was at the point of being so overwhelmed with school and work and my frustrations with life that I honestly let some misty substance come out of my eyes as I went to bed. This happened two times last week. I was just so frustrated with school. The direction of my life. It was just alot. But I threw it all on God Monday night and told Him to take it cause it was driving me crazy. And lo and behold . . .this week was incredible. Everything just seemed to flow. It all just made sense. For the first time in my spiritual life . . . I felt this extreme sense of peace about everything. I know this sounds weird, but it was almost like I was in a total mystical experience with God. Where I felt like me and God were just sitting there and smiling at each other. It was weird. I don't know any other way to explain it. It all made sense. Life . . . God . . . meaning . . . purpose. It all seemed to click with me. I wrote a couple of days ago about how little I understood about God these days. And that still stands. I still don't understand why anything happens. But at the same time, it all clicked. The light came on. And I felt like I was enjoying every moment of every day. It was in slow motion. I wasn't overwhelmed. But I was enjoying grace, minute by minute. Its a good place. I hope it stays.

9.20.2002 

So frustrated . . . This thing Nothing definite, nothing to define But still something It drives me crazy It hurts me Watching, to understand Then I take a look and it all fades Into the present moment And future memories And the hope of a story still being written Its there, but I can't explain it Without shape, form A simple piece of my puzzle I can't wait to finish To see Patiently waiting For my life to unfold

9.19.2002 

I'm going on a 14 mile hike in two weeks and I just gorged myself at Outback by eating a order of cheese fries, Alice Springs chicken, and 6 coca-cola classics (not that new coke crap). I'm going to die. Plus I haven't sweated (is sweated a word) any in over 5 months. Its going to be impossible to hike 14 miles up a mountain with 50 lbs on my back without me meeting Jesus face to face. Wish me luck as I go on a strict 2 week training regime . . . starting . . . NOW!

 

First of all I'm well aware that no one reads this besides me. I can live with that. Its not for you. Its for me. But if anybody does read this . . . and if you want to see some girls who are just like me but live in a little place called Seattle (how the crap do you spell Seattle . . . Seatle . . . Seatlle . . . hold on . . . going to get an atlas . . . . ok . . . Seattle) then go to MintyFreshDesign. Make sure you go to the stories page. Good stuff. I wish I was smart where I could categorize my stuff and add my stories instead of just having one really long list on here. Does anybody know how to do simple web pages who can help me or teach me? Does anybody read this? Hmmmmmnnnnn . . . I'll talk to myself some more later.

 

To big for me To huge for me No, my words will not do. The magnitude of time Beginning of eternity What can I offer in its face? But a vapor Only a mere shadow Lifeless dust without you. The length of time Time itself Only a flicker of life. Vast memories Of generations before So small in their steps.

9.18.2002 

Rants of the Week: 1.) Why does everybody like animal cookies? They're nasty! Geez. It's like its trendy to eat animal cookies cause they're so healthy. What a joke! 2.) Rosie's magazine with an original name of Rosie is unfortunately calling it quits. For all you moms out there who care enough to read my daily blog (I don't think anybody reads it) this was the magazine formerly known as McCalls. Anywho . . . I say all that to say that we have one less crappy magazine to contaminate all the "Women of the Soap Opera" out there. 3.) If I hear Eminem say one more negative thing about Moby. I'm going to personally drive my happy white tale up to Detroit or Hollywood or wherever the heck the dude is and I'm afraid I'm going to have to pistol whip the little punk. I'm sorry I had to talk all violent like in front of the ladies, but it had to be said.

 

I had to make a midweek change in my cd changer. The cds I had in there had been in there for over a week, plus I'm going home to see mi familia this weekend in Alabama, so I have to get ready for 6 hours of driving. So here is what is in my cd player at midweek: Norah Jones Mix, Louie Armstrong/Ella Fitzgerald Mix, Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head, Moby - 18, Hives/Strokes/Vines Mix, Mason Jennings - Blackbird

 

The Mirror I stand before the mirror And instead of seeing what I'd like to see Instead of the perfected work, the tender face of forgiveness I see the history of my life laid out before me I see the scars, the sin, the memories The shame and busted cracks that I know all to well Reflecting my past in the mirror It's so dark and chilling It haunts me, it stalks me Every day and every night It calls back from the depths It craves my pity It is begging for me to give in To listen to the somber cries It doubles me over with grief, guilt, disgrace Why did I fall? Why did I give in? I knew and turned with full knowledge And now I stand face to face with it Acknowledging it, repenting of it, dying to move on But it just doesn't quit Its always there and always will be Whispering to me to give in But love and grace need me more So I'll fight the battle Sometimes I'll win, oftentimes I'll lose But in the end, we'll see whose on top My Love will put an end to the torment And then . . . I'll rest happy

9.17.2002 

Faithful by Ben and Robin Pasley A song from Enter the Worship Circle - 2nd Circle I want to sing You a love song, You are the thief of my heart Rhythm and rhyme try to describe it No matter how hard I try . . . I can't hide it Faithful, You are faithful I have found nothing but good in Your heart Loving, You are loving I am in love with the way that You are Thankful, I am thankful I had been running away on my own And then You found me, oh how You love me I know You'll never leave, leave me alone I want to sing You a love song, for You are the love of my life Rhythm and rhyme try to explain it No matter how hard I try, I can't contain it

 

Unexplainable love How would I start How would I end How can I define it I don't even understand My words are so shallow Empty lofty words My heart a poor reflection My words will not do My heart will not do Not even songs Words seem so useless in your presence Definitions even more so I just complicate your gift Mess it all up Put a theology around it Make ornaments and jewelry Tangle up your intent and heart Attaching crude wisdom To a beautiful statement of love Such poor understanding What to say, what to write, what to sing Nothing to do but feel, experience Anything else would be injustice A defilement of the gift Your unexplainable love

 

What's in my cd player this week: A Norah Jones Mix, David Crowder Band - Can You Hear Us, Enter the Worship Circle - 1st Circle, Enter the Worship Circle - 2nd Circle, Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head, Moby - 18, The Burn Service - Vineyard Worship, and a worship cd from Mars Hill Fellowship What I'm reading this week: The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg, Romans, Acts, Psalm 31-40

9.15.2002 

Wide eyes, soft and gentle A spark of excitement A twinkle of joy Smiling now The big kind of smile The blown away kind The smile you give after your breaths been stolen Your affection captured When your heart is so overwhelmed, it almost hurts The tears start to well up On the verge of overflowing Arms are now opened And with it the tears can't be stopped Slowly trickling from his deep eyes Rolling down the face Making all the suffering worth it Complete, its perfectly complete now Only I don't accept it This unconditional love I'm scared, not used to it I hold on to my mistakes My memories, my stains My sin, myself Given freely, without reservation Given out of a loving heart No strings attached Simply given And at a price to large for me This gift, this love I want to accept it Help me . . . help me Undeserving, not near worthy Poor and ungrateful Poor and guilty Poor and needing I'm spent, help me receive it Help me see me as you do Just help me My lover The lover of my soul, my heart, body The lover of me Rags and all The lover of me

9.11.2002 

Today is alot. I don't know what to write or to say. I didn't think I would feel this way but I'm speechless. A whole new set of emotions is welling up in me today that I didn't feel last year. To sit here and listen to the names of those who were lost, be read one at a time, non-stop, is chilling. Over 3,000 stories have quit being told. 3,000 lives that are have been robbed of the joy of living. The joy of watching your son at a t-ball game. The joy of giving your daughter away at her wedding. The joy of waking up next to your husband or wife. 2 hours of names. They just kept coming and coming. 2 hours . . . I wonder what some of these people would do with 2 hours.

9.10.2002 

God's Delight In Me The pain of the cross was not for nothing. The agony and toil was not without a purpose. He did not give up His son and turn His back on Him for an hour, for the sake of doing it. Everything from the beginning of time until now, all of history has led up to this point. All the plans, all the sacrifice has led up to this moment, this life. My road that he has guided, my life that he has molded, my circumstances that he has crafted all lead up to our friendship. Our mutual love. One for another. But my love is tainted. It comes from my impure motives. It's not a perfect love. I wish it were though. Then I would feel a little prouder in my meager offerings. But that's not what He wants. He's not looking for much. He knows I don't have anything to offer that He doesn't have. He knows that I offer so little in comparison to His resources. But that "little" is what He prizes more than anything. More than everything He created. More than everything He owns. More than anything He has access to (and He has access to everything). He desires me. This is why he did everything. This is what its all for. For me. For us. All the tears, all the pain, all the glory, all the love. For the sake of me. Its in His nature. Its who He is. Its Him, the creator of love. Love itself. "If God stopped thinking of me, He would cease to exist." - 15th Century Theologian Angelus Silesius "God by definition is thinking of me." - Brennan Manning

9.09.2002 

What's in my cd player this week: David Crowder Band - Can You Hear Us, Enter the Worship Circle - 2nd Circle, Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head, Moby - 18, Blindside - Silence, The Supertones - Chase the Sun What I'm reading this week: Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning, Romans, Acts, Psalm 119

 

Confident Foolishness Confident foolishness. Thinking we know everything, when indeed we know nothing. The profound, mind-numbing, exhaustive depth of the Creator of Earth and his unexplainable and unimaginable glory is not known to us. No, it is not known by us. It is true that we know a god. But it is not the god that IS. Images and ideas have been formed in our minds, with our hands, in our hearts. But they're all cheap plastic. They don't represent the holiness, the glory, the bottomless pit of sheer power. The same which was seen by the three confident ones on the mountaintop, is not seen by us. Peter, James, and John thought they knew God. They thought they had experienced everything. They got to see the miracles. They got to look into the eyes of the one who was above everything. They shared with Him. They ate with Him. And yet . . . they had no clue. On the mountaintop, He was too big. Too much. Unexplainable to the ones who were self-assured in their knowledge of their friend. It was true that they loved Him with their whole heart, and it was true that they He loved them with His whole heart. But they had no clue. Not a hint of the purity and truth of it all. And neither do we. It's a mystery. The mystery of God. To say we understand and know is utter ignorance. We don't have a trace of what it means. Who He is. How full He is. How absolute. We simply run around, with our hands stretched out in a dark room, groping at anything with substance to sustain us. I'm assured of one thing. There is someone out there larger than me, who is above me, who longs for me, and who died for me. Other than that, I don't have the faintest grasp on anything. I wish I did and I think do. But I don't. The book of Job says: "Then Job replied to the Lord: I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You ask, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I. And I was talking about things I did not understand, things far too wonderful for me. You said, 'Listen and I will speak! I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.' I had heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance." I don't think God is mad at us though because we don't know. I honestly think he laughs at us. He sees us running around like busy ants. Going in one direction one minute, then darting off in another the next. Passionately seeking after Him one minute, overwhelmed and dejected in another. I think He understands our limited wisdom. Our inferior knowledge. Our diluted understanding. And I think He smiles. He didn't create us to know answers, to understand all there is to know about Him. He created us to commune with Him. To have a friend. To have someone to love and to look forward too. So yeah, I think He laughs at us. We think we know, but we have no idea. We can't even fathom what the Truth really is. Donald McCullough in his book, The Trivialization of God, has a chapter called "In Praise of Agnosticism." In that chapter he writes: "The agnostic, neither denying nor affirming the existence of God, allows for a remote, impersonal cosmic force that is utterly unknowable. Given that stance, the agnostic is spared having to repudiate the puny, pathetic images of God that scar many a Christian heart and conscience." Don't get me wrong. I know God and He knows me. But that may be all I know, and honestly that may be all I need to know. Then again, I could be wrong about all of this. Like I said, I don't have a clue. God be merciful to me, a sinner, a confident fool. Confident of nothing and foolish in everything.

9.06.2002 

we the united sheep of america. we will do anything to feel accepted. we follow the crowd, even when it is going nowhere. we embrace it's values as our own, even when it has none. we intoxicate ourselves to the point of mindlessness, and give our bodies over to someone else's pleasure. we spend our lives trying to pursue that which some call success. or we try to follow endless religious traditions that lead us nowhere. we are continually filling ourselves yet we still feel empty because we forget: long ago a man died on a wooden cross, nails through his hands and his feet, blood dripping on the ground, in order to release us from sheep mentality. love held him on that cross and cries out to us now. the choice is ours: we accept truth or deny Christ. his truth changes conformity to courage - fear to hope - apathy to love - death to life. now is the time. surrender your life to the one truth. "i have come to give life, and give it more abundantly" (john 10:10) this came off a t-shirt! what a great shirt! you can check out this shirt and other shirts at www.OneTruth.com

9.05.2002 

In my cd player this week: Coldplay, Hives/Strokes/Vines Mix, Dave Crowder, Weezer, The Rentals, Everybody Duck What I'm reading this week: Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning, The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg, and Romans

9.04.2002 

The Fusion of Methodology and Theology A Holistic Approach to Ministry In the modern world, everything was defined by marked boundaries, guidelines that things had to fit into, rules of order. What stood beneath our feet was a rigid patch of land that never moved. A stood by itself and B stood by itself. There was no merger of the two. Everything stood on its own. You were either black or white, Republican or Democrat, heterosexual or bisexual. In the postmodern world, there are no boundaries and what is beneath our feet now is ever moving, always changing water. There is no A without B and there is no B without A. A and B are one. Ethnic lines get blurrier every day. One no longer is Republican or Democrat but usually a mixture of the two depending on who is corrupt from what party. Bisexuality is at an all time high. I simply say all of that for you to understand that this world is no longer marked by definitive lines. Morals and values are no longer definable terms in many people's eyes. This world is a far different place than when my grandparents were a kid and even when my parents were a kid, not to mention when I was a kid! This is a new world and in this new world there can be no separation of the church's theology (how we view God) and the church's methodology (how we reach our world). For the modern church these two could be easily separated and generally were. This is part of the reason the church is where it is at today. On one extreme, you had those who were extreme with their theology. It was all about answers. It was all about information. It was all about knowing. It had nothing to do with experience and it had nothing to do with relationships (either vertically to Christ or horizontally to our world). On the other hand, you had those who were adamant about their methods. It had nothing to do with the answers. Nothing to do with knowing. It was a whatever it takes method even at the compromise of convictions and standards (which consequently are derived from theology). Essentially, this turned into a conservative versus liberal battle, which sadly resembled a political campaign. Unfortunately, both sides were at the two extremes of the spectrum. There were people who had great theology, however they did not allow it to influence their methods. And vice versa. There were people who had great methods, however the methods were not grounded in solid theology, Very rarely did you find a church, as a whole, that had both a solid theology and a solid methodology. You see, theology is the framework that holds up our methods. And methods are the platform used to communicate our theology. One without the other does not only not work, but it is not biblical. The two can not be separated and the two can not stand on their own. The two are one. They were intended to be that way. The tragedy is that today, the churches representing both sides of this spectrum are not only not changing and rethinking their theology and methods, respectively, but they are digging their feet into the ground even harder, refusing to move, refusing to be wrong, refusing to budge. Thus interrupting, and in essence, keeping the church from moving in the direction that it needs to be moving in, back to an intertwined mixture of knowledge and methods. Its not an A+B=C model. It is an AB=C model with C being effective, relevant, biblical ministry. If you treat each one as separate entities, then you run the risk of thinking one to be more important than the other. Or that it has to be added in just the right amounts or in just the right proportions. It tends to serve more like a formula, that if we add our theology in just the right quantity and then we add our methods in just the right quantity, then its going to equal effective ministry. However, if you see each one being one as a whole, then you realize that they are precisely and evenly the same. This also does not equal something like the first. Theology and methodology together simply is effective ministry. The two acting as one, birth effective ministry. I will end with a quote from Mark Driscoll, a pastor out of Seattle. He says: The greatest temptation for the people of God is to fall into one of two extremes. One, they are tempted by syncretism, where the gospel is so intertwined with culture and the lost souls that we are trying to reach, that it is the gospel which is wrongly converted to the world in which it is preached. Or, they are tempted by sectarianism, where the world is almost forbidden from hearing the gospel because the people of God have forgotten the purpose of the gospel. Without a cultural engagement between us (the saved) and them (the lost), the church becomes its own culture without any gospel.

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  • I'm Josh
  • From Atlanta, Georgia
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