welcome to the story.

Amber You can have it all I don't want it anymore I'm tired of the pain And the tension inside Torqued on this plane Peel another layer Peel another layer Leaving dust and blood Water and blood Tear the hole Take it all Tear the hole And take it all It's all the same Worn deep Out of the amber And into the fog Out of the fog And into the black Then the black blurs to hate And to silence within Crooked walk through the night Then into the Light Sensing the Heal There is a sound A sound of calling Faint and near But I can't hear the Voice What happened to the clarity? What happened to me? I can't see your face All I feel is your wound All I feel is your wound Suffocating water Without air or hope The end is near Kill it anyway Is this what it comes down to? Is this what I've become? Finish the dark Amber, come to me now Amber, with your blonde light Amber, halo me again Amber, my sweetest friend Give me one more crown Thorned or jeweled Choose my prize But make it swift Amber, make it swift

At what point do you wake up and realize that your blog has turned into boredom. Utterly stripped of anything that used to be funny, interesting, and wise. Its a sad realization when it hits you. Its essentially turned into what I'm reading and how many times a day I cut my fingernails and/or brush my sideburns. It is sad. It is sad. The idea however came to me to write out a schedule for my life. Not one that I will follow or be guided by or be bound too. But one that will allow for some type of gentle reminder to me to write, create, and enjoy life. Which I do enjoy. But at the same time is missing the once vital component of creating. Albeit, I do create graphics, but in a sense that expression of art is one that does not satisfy or stir my soul as completely as say does writing, reading, painting, or hiking. Though hiking is not an act of me creating. But it is an expression in a sense. Perhaps I'll take a pottery class or a sculpting class. Maybe a creative writing class. Maybe an apple cider making class. Maybe I'll go to a grist mill and learn how they made flour in the colonial period. I don't know. I need some type of recreational activity. The reality is that I come home and am utterly exhausted after an 8 hour work day which includes producing and editing videos in a dark studio, creating graphics and layouts in front of a computer, or sitting in a production meeting room for 3 hour meetings where I am forced to dump all of my creativity. I think by the very fact that I in a sense create or at the very least exercise my creativity for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, my desire to create outside of that context will be somewhat limited. And yet, I want to rediscover that "sacred space" in my life. So . . . we'll see what happens. And then . . . something much less than Picasso or Hemingway but yet at the same time wholly satisfying to me.

a thin place a resonating interval

TENSION [weel three] The last two weeks we have discussed the issue of TENSION. We said that for many of us, including myself, we feel this constant TENSION between choosing right and choosing wrong. Between choosing God and choosing sin. For many of us, we find ourselves torn between these two extremes on almost every decision, every choice. We wrestle and we wrestle. We fight and we fight. And it seems like we can never achieve any type of sustaining, lasting, victory in our struggle.

We may choose God on one issue, but we may follow that with 5 choices that reflect the opposite. We may follow God on Sunday or Monday, but it gets harder for us to make decisions that reflect His way of life as the week progresses. And for some of you, if you were gut-level honest with yourself, it gets real hard to choose God on Friday nights and Saturday nights. When we�re at our friends or at your boyfriend�s or girlfriend�s house. Somehow choosing God gets more difficult in those situations.

Well, the first week we discussed this idea of TENSION and basically addressed what causes it. Namely, sin. And how we were once full of holes, and gaps, and spaces in our very nature. Last week, we took a step in the right direction by showing how God had fixed those holes. How God had restored us and �righted the ship� of a fallen world. This week, I�m going to show you how we finally move out of the theoretical and move into the reality of making Godly choices in our everyday lives.

But first, we need to revisit something thing that I didn�t really get a chance to clarify last week. When I talked about this idea of �restoration�. That God intervened in humanity to set things right. To restore us for the purpose of reconnecting us to our original created intent. I did you guys a disservice by not telling you the whole story. This is something that I didn�t realize until after I looked back over this week in preparation for tonight.

It is true that you�ve been restored. There is no doubt about it that you are no longer a slave to sin (that�s the terminology that Paul uses throughout Romans). You�ll see this in the passage of Scripture that we�re going to look at tonight. You are no longer under that �low-lying black cloud� that we talked about last week. But the reality is, that we still deal with sin. Despite the fact that we�ve been restored spiritually. Despite the fact that we are now in right relationship with God. We still sin. So why is that?

Well think of it like this. Think of sin as having a residual effect. And let me give you an illustration from my more mischievous days in high school to give you a picture of what the word residual means. Especially in connection to sin.

GAS BOMB ILLUSRATION

Long after we dropped our bombs, and the janitors came and cleaned up the mess, the smell still lingered. The smell was residual. The actual bomb got dropped an hour before, but the smell still lingered. That�s in a way, what sin is like. We�ve been restored, but sin was so powerful in our lives for so long, this �hang-over� effect is created. So we�re no longer slaves to sin. Our nature is no longer one that is tied to sin. But yet there is this kind of left-over residue that is left on us or in us after we�ve been restored. This is why we find ourselves still tempted to choose things other than God.

But again, despite this residual effect, there is Good News. Not only did God deal with the problem of our fallen nature by restoring us. He also gives us an outlet for escaping the residual effects of sin as well. And this is where everything comes to a point. Everything that we�ve been talking about for the last few weeks. The issue of resolving the TENSION in our lives between God and sin, between right and wrong, comes to a rest in a place that can either be simple or complex. Depending on what we want do to with it. Paul again, gives us the solution in Romans.

Here�s where the TENSION has the potential to be resolved if we allow it to. This is where, if we really want to ease the TENSION between God and sin, right and wrong, we have to make a choice. A choice to �simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.�

This is where it gets as simple or as complicated as we want to make it. Its really simply in theory, and has the ability to be really simple in practice. But I�m afraid that we�ve made it way to complicated in theory, and made it way to complicated in practice.

Basically, it comes down to choice. At this point, you may think I�ve wasted your time over the last couple of weeks. That I spent all this time setting up the root issue of our past condition versus our present condition. You may wonder why I spent all that time discussing the idea of a downward spiral versus a turn towards hope. A world turned upside down versus one that has been set right side up. Humanity with gaps, and spaces, and holes versus one that is whole again and restored right spiritually with God. Only to boil it all down to a CHOICE.

It wasn�t a bait and switch though. Everything that we�ve talked about runs right to and through a choice. And that choice is whether or not we are going to embrace what the Spirit is doing in us. Embrace what God is going to do in us. Embrace what God has done in us by restoring us. And how the fact that we�re restored is directly related to how we should now live. It now becomes a choice. A choice to move out of our old way of life where we constantly gave in to sin and were controlled by it. Or a choice to move into a new way of life.

DUMB AND DUMBER CLIP

You see, like good old Harry, we have a choice to make. Do we choose what we know to be right? Or do we choose what we know to be wrong? Its simple. Boil it all down to that. Bottom line, what are we going to choose? You may say, Josh if I could just choose God over sin, don�t you think I would do that?

Well can I submit this to you. Perhaps, the reason its so hard for you to choose God over sin is because you haven�t set yourself up to succeed.

BOSS ILLUSTRATION

I used to have this boss who used to say something to all of his employees. I thought it was weird at the time, but in hindsight was actually an important concept. He used to always say, �We have to set you up to succeed.� Meaning, that he wanted to do whatever it took to ensure that his employees were given all the resources and tools that they needed to be successful with the job that was entrusted to them. His rationale was that if his employees were struggling or failing with the job that he had given us, there was the possibility that it was because he had not set us up to succeed with the task that had been given to us.

Looking back on that now, that was huge idea. And its one that translates perfectly into what we�re discussing. And it is that we have to set ourselves up to succeed in this area of TENSION. In this arena of choosing between God and sin, right and wrong. Its real hard to choose God when we continually immerse ourselves in environments, language, thoughts, actions, that are anti-God. So it kind of becomes a cycle. Where perhaps, the only reason you might be choosing sin is because its what you�ve always done. Or what you�ve conditioned yourself to do so in a given situation. You see, the more we choose sin, the easier it becomes to sin. The more we choose wrong, the easier it becomes to do wrong.

The opposite is also true though. The more we choose God, the easier it is to live the God-life. If we immerse ourselves in language, thoughts, actions, that focus towards God, then that becomes a part of our lifestyle. A part of who we are. Thus, it makes it a whole lot easier to choose God. I�m not saying immerse yourselves in �church world�. That�s not where I�m going at all. But if you will set yourself up to succeed by having a steady intake of God, then your choices will reflect this.

And this �choosing God� is where this TENSION gets resolved. Plain and simple. It comes down to a choice. Do we believe that we�ve been restored? And if so, is our belief strong enough to determine our choices between God and sin, right and wrong? Listen to this last passage that Paul writes.

We have to embrace this idea of hope. This idea of grace. This idea of a new life that goes on and on, without end. That we are no longer under a dark kingdom or regime that is holding us down. But we have become residents in a new kingdom. One that runs under the radar of what most people see and experience it. This Kingdom of God is what Christ has called us to be a part of. A Kingdom moving in a different direction, dancing to a different rhythm.

It comes down to a choice though. You have to choose things everyday of your life. Choosing between God and sin, right and wrong, is no different. You have to make a choice. Either way, you�re going to make one. What will your choices be?

After the football game on Friday, at your friends house when everybody�s getting trashed, what are you going to choose? At school, when everybody is just running their mouth about one of your �former friends�, what are you going to choose? When everybody is making little jokes about the �gay� kid at your school, what are you going to choose? At your girlfriend or boyfriends house on Saturday night and things start getting heated, what are you going to choose? When your parents are nagging you and giving you a hard time, what are you going to choose? What are you going to choose?

It�s all a choice. That�s where the TENSION gets resolved.

SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS

1. Despite being restored, why do you think we still sin? Even though we�re no longer �slaves to sin�, why do you think we still end up doing the things we don�t want to do?

2. Do you believe that you�ve been restored spiritually? If so, do you believe it enough to center your life around it?

3. What is the difference between a story of a downward spiral and sin�s power versus a story of hope and grace progressing towards God? What story is more inspiring?

4. What story has the potential to filter your choices between God and sin? Why?

5. What would it look like in your life to embrace what God has done and is doing?

6. What would you have to do or change about your everyday life in order to �set yourself up to succeed� spiritually?

7. Do you agree or disagree that the more you do something the easier it becomes to do it?

8. After this series on TENSION, what changes do you need to make in your life?

Reading: More Ready Than You Realize by Brian McLaren and Christ the Center by Dietrich Bonhoeffer Listening: The Streets, Iron & Wine, Carissa's Weird, Johnny Cash, Foo Fighters, Ben Harper and the Blind Boys of Alabama Viewing: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

TENSION [week two]

Last week we talked about this idea of TENSION. That so many of us struggle with, on a daily basis, choosing God�s way over the way of sin. That we struggle with translating what is in our heart into our actions. We talked about how there is this battle that goes on in our minds and in our hearts to live like we know God wants us to live. But when it comes down to actually living like we know that we should and like we want to, somehow we get lost in the translation.

Senora Van Arsadale Illustration

It was so frustrating to me that I couldn�t translate what she was saying. And it was frustrating to her that I couldn�t translate what she was saying. Consequently, I just gave up. I got tired of dealing with it. About halfway through the semester, I threw the towel in. I had a D at that time and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to pull that up, so I just gave up. And I think that is where some of us land. We get so frustrated with not being able to translate the desire in our heart to live God�s way, that we just give up and decide to just live content with the way we are now. And I fear that to many people have bought into this type of life. This defeated life. That they no longer have a desire to continue to move forward in their journey with God.

The good news is that you and myself, we�re young. Which is why I�m hoping that I can paint this for you in such a way that you grab hold of it, because a lot of adults who have been Christians, or God-followers for a while, have reached a level of contentment. And I don�t think its that they desire to be at that place. I just think after years of living a tiring, constant battle with choosing between God and sin, that they finally just give up. And just live content with the sin that is in their life.

There�s pros and cons to having this TENSION that I�ve been talking about in our lives. The positive is that by the fact that we struggle with it shows that we haven�t given up yet. That we�re still wrestling and fighting and hoping to advance past this, it shows that we�re still alive. The negative though is that there is a real danger for us to get so tired of fighting the battle. To give up on choosing between right and wrong. To become so frustrated or to let guilt begin to cripple us.

When this happens, one of the most dangerous things that can happen to Christianity occurs. Christians get content. They give up. They quit fighting. They begin to lose interest in living like God wants them to. And instead of choosing God, one of two things happens. They either turn away from God altogether or they choose what I believe is the more dangerous option. They simply get �used to� the content life. A life that floats on aimlessly. And they assimilate or just act �Christian� because that�s what you�re �supposed� to do. Meanwhile, they become just as bitter, angry, lustful, and judgmental as anybody else. Except they disguise by claiming to be �Christian� and acting �Christian�.

So there is a real danger in this TENSION that we deal with. With choosing God or sin. With choosing right or wrong. Because what happens, is we fight it and fight it and fight it and we finally end up frustrated and/or guilty at not being able to overcome it. Both of these things, frustration and guilt, have a huge potential to lead us down the road of contentment. So here�s where we go with resolving this TENSION.

Last week, if you�ll remember, we ended with a question. It�s the question that Paul asked after he described his TENSION with choosing between God and sin.

Last week, I didn�t give you an answer to this question because I wanted you guys to address the issue of sin, the condition that you find yourselves in. Hopefully, you got the opportunity to do that. This week, I�m prepared to give you an answer. However, I�m going to be straight up with you. The answer I�m about to give you has the potential to sound so simplistic that you�ll pass it off. It has the potential to sound so �churchy� that you just dismiss it all together. But if you can hang tight with me for a few minutes, I�m going to try and show you how it is more than just some simple �church answer�, but in actuality a way of life. So I�m being up front with you. But be open-minded enough to hear me all the way through.

Ok, sounds pretty �churchy� huh? I can�t tell you how many times I�ve had someone just tell me �Just trust Jesus, it�ll be ok� or �It just comes back to Jesus, sweetie!� That�s not what I want you to hear tonight. I want you to listen to the entire context of the answer that Paul gives. He doesn�t just leave us with the simple answer of Jesus. He explains how Jesus is not just a word or an answer to the question. Instead he explains how what is seemingly a simple answer, is in actuality, complex and deep and full of meaning. If Paul left us right there . . . it would sound like just another �church answer� to a complicated, multi-layered problem. But he doesn�t. He continues. He shows us how his answer is more than just a �churchy� answer.

All right. Paul takes what seems like a simple answer to the question, �Who can help me deal with this TENSION between God and sin, between right and wrong?� and shows us how its more than just a simple answer. Lets start with the last verse he wrote:

�In his Son, Jesus, He personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all.�

Do you remember last week how we talked about how sin corrupted what we were made to be? How we were created in God�s image, created to be whole and complete?

Do you remember how I talked about how the world was in downward spiral? That the world got turned upside down from the way that God wanted it to be?

Well here�s the beautiful thing. And for some of this is may be old news, and for some of you it may be the first time you�ve heard this, but what God did was He stopped the downward spiral. He entered into humanity. This is where Paul�s answer becomes more than just a simplistic answer. Because it isn�t just a name. It�s a lifestyle. It�s a way of life that Jesus entered into. Jesus entered into the equation of fallen creation, fallen humanity. And because of the cross of Christ, he reversed its nature. Humanity took a turn towards hope. What was spiraling out of control after sin entered into the world, Christ set right. Thus, Jesus Christ becomes the central figure of hope. The icon, logo, the crux of humanity.

He stopped the chaos. He turned things right side up. He restored what was broken. He restored us. Many of you in this room have experienced this. If you�ve decided to become a follower of God and embraced the significance of the cross, then you�ve been restored. But here�s what this means. Being restored is not just theological phrase that I�m throwing out. It has huge significance for who we are now and who we are becoming versus who we were.

This is the huge verse.

He entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all.�

He entered the mess to set it right. To restore it. Disorder, chaos, disarray, confusion. He reversed it. He basically fixed the problem of the effect of sin.

JENGA ILLUSTRATION

God put the pieces back in the puzzle. He restored what was wrong with us. He fixed it. He made it right. He made us right. He opened up a new way of living for us. He opened up a new road for us to go down. A road towards hope and not of despair. A road towards restoration, not destruction. A road towards life, not decay. The problem is that many of us either haven�t heard this before, or haven�t realized the significance of what happened when we became Christians.

NEW TESTAMENT CHURCH � ROMAN CHURCH

The early church was very young. They understood Jesus. They followed Him. They loved Him wholeheartedly. In fact, many of them were willing to die for their belief. Some even did in fact die. They are what we call martyrs. But the early church was an interesting organism. Many of the people who made up the early church were kind of like a bridge in many ways. They grew up in a world and in a religious system pre-Jesus. Meaning that for the first part of their life, they were a part of the old system, the old way of doing things. The old way of dealing with sin. Which was a way full of sacrifice and ritual.

Well when Jesus came on the scene, He created a new system. A new paradigm. A new way of doing things. So those who followed Jesus and believed in Him and His way of life, even after His death on the cross . . . just didn�t have a full understanding of what happened and what the cross meant. And because Christianity was at that moment, a young, infant religion, the God-followers were in a way just along for the ride. They were figuring stuff out as they went. Figuring out theology as they went. Figuring out their faith as they went. For many of them, they had heard Jesus talk about an eternal life that He would give them. About a place that He was going to prepare for them.

What they didn�t understand was that Jesus did not just to come and save them so they could go to heaven. He didn�t just come so that they could get rid of sin�s influence one day way down the road in heaven. He came to get rid of sin�s power in the present as well as in future. He came to open a new way of life on Earth now, just as He was opening a new way of life in the future.

This has huge implications because that�s why Christ put the pieces back in to the puzzle. That�s why He came to set things right. That�s why He came to fix what was broken. To restore what was upside-down. That�s the whole purpose of resolving the TENSION. Because once we ease the TENSION. Ease the struggle of choosing between right and wrong, God and sin. Then we can move into the type of life that God desires.

But instead of living like God wants us to live, we continue to operate as if the full scope of the cross hasn�t even entered into the equation. Good people who love God, but never move much beyond that. Never fully embracing all that God has for us in this life.

The sad difference between us and the early church that Paul was writing to is that we are on the other side of the cross of Jesus Christ. We now have a different option. Sadly, if you look at most churches today, you see people who do not care about being different or moving in a counter cultural way. We�re happy with simply getting by . . . waiting for our eternal life in heaven and not caring much about our present life here on Earth. Jesus did not sacrifice his life on the cross solely for our eternal life. He sacrificed as well for our lives today.

For to many of us . . . we have encountered Jesus, become followers of God, become Christians. And in doing that, we have misunderstood the whole point of it. For many of us, we end there. We end at the beginning of the journey and sit back and wait for heaven to get here while we do little or nothing with our lifestyle or the junk that�s in it. Accepting Jesus and choosing to follow His way of life is not the finish line. It�s a starting line. A starting point into a new way of life.

But first, we have to embrace the reality of God setting things right. Of restoring us to right relationship with Him. And in that place, we find that the TENSION between choosing God or sin, right or wrong, eases ever so slowly. The TENSION releases and we�re free to move forward with God.

SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS

2. What is an area of your life that you�ve grown content with? Is there a �sin� that you�ve tolerated in your life?

3. How do you describe your spiritual state of being? More precisely, when you think of yourself in spiritual terms, what do you think of? For example, a �sinner�, a mess-up, a betrayer, perfect, good, etc.? Why?

4. How do you think God views you? What word comes to mind? How does this make you feel?

5. How does this word affect your life? How does God�s view of you affect your life?

6. What is your opinion of the difference between a �starting line� mindset and a �finish line� mindset regarding salvation?

And it was on that day that I was well Some things are still as they are But on their leave On their way to faded grey Begging for a flash of color An explosion to draw near But without the follow through Never with the follow through It leads away and is too torqued to make sense The word divergent whispers to me again That ill-fated word that never brings peace Although its what I say I need I tell myself thats what I need Am I convinced? Not today But I was yesterday And the day before that And the day before that And not to long ago before that It is a path But which way is full I know the way But which way is full And so it goes Another painting washed clean A lost dance with a dream I am well I am well

divergent harmony

I don't know if my friend Sharon wrote this or not, but its good. Its from her journal www.sharonbarbour.blogspot.com She is my friend. And I her's. "Which one is it: politics or propaganda? I have always had a hard time finding a definitive difference between the two. I hear two great armies shouting their mantras and exalting their leaders�constantly competing for the seats of power. But in the end their seats are powerless.For the time being I�ll avoid the obvious problem of a two party political monopoly. I�ll stay clear of hot button political issues and the yearlong Jerry Springer show called the Campaign Trail (thank you JibJab for pointing out the obvious). From this sentence on I�ll only say what I know and am qualified to say.The politics of God and the politics of mankind have never been the same. God does not endorse your political party. God is not some party�s spokesman, symbol or tool, and in no way does He serve as a platform for this planet�s political systems. Nevertheless, there are many Christians who believe putting God-professing lawmakers in political power is going to bring radical social change. They must have forgotten that this method has already been tried. It was called the Dark Ages.Political systems that enforce Godly principles have never reproduced the God-induced reformation that comes about when someone encounters the Almighty King for himself or herself. It won�t happen. Let�s just call it like it is. Politics are a good man-made idea that just isn�t working when it comes to seeing the purposes of God actualized on the Earth. I�m not suggesting politics are worthless. I�m not suggesting it�s unredeemable and unusable by God. One of the many amazing things about our eternal God is that He has no boundaries and no limitations. He can and will use whatever He wants and there�s no stopping Him. But when the Church starts seeing the government as the catalyst to answer the ancient prayer, �Your will be done, your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven,� then we have a major problem on our hands.It�s the church�s job to bring the light that chases the darkness away (no, that doesn�t mean mobs with torches). Christians have to realize that creating laws to force unbelievers to live as Christians is simply not the way to convert the heathen. �Right living� is a result of being made right with God. It�s called righteousness and it only happens when a seed called faith blossoms into a plant called belief. When Christ sent his followers out to start this revolution He said they would be like farmers tossing seeds in a field. There was no mention of government subsidized farm equipment or laws to prevent birds from eating the seeds or vandals from planting weeds.God�s political system is called the Church. We are the system God designed to bring change throughout the world. We are the �Christ propaganda.� It�s time for the Church to stop asking someone else to do its job. We�ve been like the people of Israel who had full access to God, but instead asked for a human king to deal with Him in their place. However, this time God is not going to cave to our demands. We are in fact the kings who have been selected to usher His Kingdom into this world. The time has come that we stop looking elsewhere for what�s already in front of us. We�re it. We are God�s politics."

Alaska - Juneau Hawaii - Honolulu Washington - Olympia Oregon - Salem California - Sacramento Arizona - Phoenix New Mexico - Santa Fe Texas - Austin Idaho - Boise Montana - Helena North Dakota - Bismark South Dakota - Pierre Nevada - Carson City Utah - Salt Lake City Colorado - Denver Wyoming - Cheyenne Oklahoma - Oklahoma City Nebraska - Lincoln Iowa - Des Moines Kansas - Topeka Arkansas - Little Rock Minnesota - St. Paul Wisconsin - Madison Michigan - Lansing Indiana - Indianaplois Illinois - Springfield Ohio - Columbus Kentucky - Frankfort Tennessee - Nashville Louisiana - Baton Rouge Mississippi - Jackson Alabama - Montgomery Georgia - Atlanta Florida - Tallahassee South Carolina - Columbia North Carolina - Raliegh Virginia - Richmond West Virginia - Charleston Maryland - Annapolis Deleware - Dover Massachussetts - Boston Conneticutt - Hartford Rhode Island - Providence New York - New York City Pennslyvania - Harrisburg New Jersey - Trenton New Hampshire - Concord Vermont - Montepiler Maine - Augusta Missouri - Jefferson City The presidents will be coming at a later date.

What I'm Reading: A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren What I'm Listening To: The Streets, Iron & Wine, Delirious, Radiohead, Collective Soul, and The Shins What I'm Watching: Saved!

Coming to you now as a special sneak preview . . . TENSION [WEEK ONE] - a discussion for today's high school student. Showing pre-AXIS Groups this Sunday Night at Cross Pointe! Be there or be square! Over the next 2 weeks, we are going to wrestle with a subject, that if we were all honest, is more a reality than we would like to admit. For most of us, including myself, we live in constant TENSION between two worlds. We find ourselves being torn in our decisions, in our thinking, in our actions. On one hand, we have the side that represents the �right� or the �good�. This side is highlighted and illustrated by God and his kind of life. And on the other hand, we have the side that represents the �wrong� or the �bad�. This side is the side that represents what we call sin.

For most of us in this room, we find ourselves torn between these two worlds. The place where this TENSION takes place is oftentimes most evident in our choices. And its not that we set out to choose wrong. Its not that we wake up and decide that today we are going to go out and see if we can�t go out and violate God and his way of life. Instead we just find ourselves doing things that contradict God�s heart, and even our own heart. We find ourselves doing the complete opposite of what we know to be true. We find ourselves making decision that contradict our own personal values, our beliefs, and what we really want to do.

Even those of you who may say, �Josh, you�re crazy. I don�t even think twice about it. There is no tension when I want to do something I know to be wrong. I just do it. I don�t wrestle with any decisions and I don�t feel guilty afterwards. But I think if we were all honest, I think all of us in this room, at least on some level, would say that their desire is to do what God wants them to do. Or at the very least to do what is �morally� right. Meaning that no one in here wants to be known as a liar, or an adulterer. Its not like we wake up in the morning and say, �Man, I can�t wait to lie to someone�s face today.� Or, �Yes! One day I get to cheat on my wife and its going to be awesome!� Honestly, no one thinks like that because at some level all of us have embraced some sort of an idea of right and wrong. And again, at some level, I think we all wrestle, either consciously or subconsciously with choosing what we know to be right. Yet so often, we find ourselves doing things that we know to be wrong.

For most of us, we live in this crazy paradox of SAINT and SINNER. This TENSION between choosing �right� and choosing �wrong�. Unfortunately, our lives live in one of these two extremes. On Sundays, we find ourselves in an environment that stirs within us the �good side�. Yet, for most of our lives we find ourselves immersed in a world on the �wrong side�. And so we live frustrated. Guilty with the fact that we can�t live out what we know we want to, or at the very least, what we know to be true.

At best, this feeling is frustrating to us. And in the worst case scenario, it drives us crazy and cripples us with guilt because of the realization that we are violating not only our moral conscious (which by the way God gave us), but we are stepping into a betrayal of the way that God wants us to live.

Again, if we�re all honest, I think we would have to admit, there is part of us that wants to live like God wants us too, but another part of us either doesn�t allow that to happen, or doesn�t want it to happen wholeheartedly. So the question for us, is how do we close that gap between who we want to be and who we find ourselves to be, in essence . . . who we are? How do we resolve this conflict? How do we ease this TENSION between these two polar opposite selfs? How do we bring peace to these two worlds within us that are constantly colliding and rubbing up against each other? How do we begin to close the gap between our heart and our actions?

Paul in his attempt to explain this TENSION gives us a snapshot into his own battle with these questions. In this passage in Romans, you can almost here Paul�s frustration as he battles with this TENSION.

Romans 7:15, 18-20 ¹⁵What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. ¹⁸I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. ¹⁹I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. ²⁰My decisions, such as they are [this means his predetermined decisions], don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

Ithink if we listen closely to the heart of what Paul is writing, we can almost imagine ourselves substituted in the same place that he found himself in. Frustrated beyond all measure. Because like us, he had a desire to please God. And like us, he found himself unable to translate what was in his desires into his actions. After describing the TENSION he deals with, he explains in the next statement what is at the root of the issue. And this is where we are going to go for the remainder of our time. And next week we are going to deal with how this statement ties into our easing or resolving the TENSION in our lives.

Verse 20 �Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.�

That�s such a huge statement that I think resonates within us all on some level. Simply put . . . something has gone wrong. I think we can all identify with this statement. We recognize that something has indeed gone wrong. Just look at our world today. The wars, the poverty, the crime, broken families, you name it. We all recognize that this isn�t �right�. And I think if we were all honest, we would have to recognize that we even feel this in our own individual lives. That something has gone wrong there too.

This idea that something has gone drastically wrong is central to our understanding our TENSION. Because it is the source of our condition and at the root of our TENSION. Something has gone wrong. That something is called sin. Most of you, I�m sure, are at least somewhat familiar with this word. But you may or may not be familiar with its beginning. You see . . . we weren�t born like this. The world didn�t start off in the crazy state that is in now. Our world was not created to be like this. And neither were we.

Basically, in the beginning, God created us to be perfect. When He created Adam & Eve, He did so by creating them in His own image. We were created WHOLE. There were no gaps. No spaces. Outside of divine attributes such as being ALL-POWERFUL and ALL-KNOWING, we lacked nothing. We were given every tool that we needed to be successful. But what happened was that a man named Adam introduced sin into the world. It�s a really long story of how this happened so I won�t get into it, but if you want to read it, just go back and check out the first few chapters of Genesis. But basically when he introduced �sin� into our world, everything went into chaos. Where God had created perfection and life, there was now decay and destruction. Our world went into a downward spiral. Creation began unraveling at its core.

We also lost part of ourselves, part of what we were created to be. All of a sudden all of these gaps began to flood into our lives.

JENGA ILLUSTRATION Let me illustrate it like this. Use your imagination and think of this JENGA game as a picture of us. When sin was introduced into our world, it entered into and adversely effected what we were created to be. Because of sin, we went into a downward spiral as a human race. What was once perfect and complete and whole, was now incomplete and full of holes and gaps. Where we were once centered fully in God, we now became centered in on ourselves. Thus, the condition we find ourselves in today.

You may be asking where do we go from here? What�s next? Is there any hope or do we just have to be resigned to the fact that our world is spiraling out of control and we�re caught in the pull of it? Paul lands in this same spot. Listen to what he says when he picks back up from the last verses.

Romans 7:21-24 ²¹It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. ²²I truly delight in God's commands, ²³but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. ²⁴I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

That�s the question. Is there anyone who can do anything for me? Because honestly, some of you have been struggling with the same thing over and over and over and over again. And you feel like you�re at the end of your rope. Some of you, are so tired of this TENSION, tired of having to constantly fight, of having to constantly choose right or wrong. You just wish you could click a button and automatically choose �right� in every situation, in every choice. But before we can move forward to resolving the TENSION, we have to address the root of our TENSION.

So this week is a little different. I�m going to leave off right where we are right now. I�m not going to give you any answers or anything that you can apply this week. Instead I�m going to leave you to your small group time and to some questions that will hopefully allow us the opportunity to address the root of our TENSION. The root of our struggle to live like God wants us to live.

And next week, we are going to talk about how God stopped the downward spiral of our world, and created the possibility of ending it in our own lives, if we choose it. Then we�re going to tie all of this into how we can begin to move towards resolving the TENSION between choosing God�s way or choosing our way.

SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS

1. What is one word that you would use to describe your battle over choosing right and wrong, God and sin? For example, �Frustrating�, �Tension�, etc. Why did you choose that word?

2. Do you ever do something wrong and you know that its wrong, but you do it anyway? If so, why did you do it?

3. Why do we sin when we know it�s wrong?

4. What is one thing that you struggle with on a consistent basis but can�t seem to choose the alternative on?

5. In connection to that question, do you feel guilty afterwards when you�ve had time to clearly think about? Does it play back in your mind? How does that make you feel?

6. What do you think it must have felt like to be Adam and Eve before their �Fall�? What about afterwards when they realized the scope of their one action?

7. Do you agree with Paul�s statement that, �Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.� Why or why not? If not, what is your assessment or how would you describe the human condition?

8. In your own words, how would you describe the God-life? Meaning, how would you best describe what it looks like to live like God intended you to live like? What characteristics would this life have?

9. What are some characteristics of your life now that run opposite or contradict that life that God wants you to live?

And you Between all Or above The bookend Caps history Up front The end Open-ended But closed Speak light Awaken night And you Speak light All fades Always does Seeing nothing Glimpsing fragment Seeing nothing Something stirs Seeing nothing Dancing move Seeing nothing Rolling through Seeing nothing And you You are You

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