The question is, who is a bigger P-I-M-P in the 1980's, Tom Selleck or David Hasselhoff? Its a question that has been debated for years and I am going to attempt to address it and perhaps shed some light on this situation. I would first like to thank my friends Matt Piland and Chris Bell who so willingly shared their insights and wisdom on the subject. Without their help, my conclusion would not have much scientific backing or hard evidence. But through the help of their studious research, hopefully I will be able to come to a conclusion that we can all be proud of. It is also important to note that the question refers only to the 1980s and not the subsequent years. This would disallow all BayWatch and BayWatch nights in David Hasselhoff's defense and all Friend's episodes from Tom Selleck's defense (although any man who could be Monica Gellar's man-friend deserves some slight consideration just because she is one of the more annoying people on tv). With all of that as a framework, let us now begin the process of weighing out all of the pros and cons of both P-I-M-Ps. We will begin by taking a look at David Hasselhoff. Since this is only a 1980s contest, our source material will be KnightRider and a few made-for-tv movies. As easy as it would be to factor in BayWatch, where David clearly holds a higher P-I-M-P-ology degree than Tom, we simply can not afford the luxury of going down that road. I think it is a wide enough belief that Hasselhoff's work on Baywatch and the not so successful Baywatch nights (where he was lifeguard by day and P.I. by night) was more than just acting, but it was pure art wrapped in a little bit of bliss. But alas . . . only the 80s can be used in our decision making process. So with that in mind, lets take a look at David's work on KnightRider. The obvious evidence for Hasselhoff for being a P-I-M-P would be his upper chest hair that always gently petruded from his shirt, but never in a distasteful or raunchy way, but it was almost as if he was teasing us with his chest hair. Only showing us enough to tickle our fancy for that particular hour of television. He also is the only man that I know of that could pull of black jeans, a darker colored shirt (usually black), a black belt, black shoes, and a black leather jacket. That is a tough fashion assignment for any man to pull off, but David did it week in and week out. He also had a car that talked. This is an obvious pro. After all, not many of us have a car named KIT who communicates with us on a daily basis. However, this is also a con for some as dealing with the hassles of a talking car can be more of a pain than a pleasure. And let us not forget the 18-wheeler with the old man and the hot lady. That is definitely P-I-M-P. With that being said, let us now move onto Tom Selleck. Obviously Magnum did not have a talking car, but lets be honest, his car was still in the upper echelon of cool cars. And who can forget in the opening credits of Magnum P.I. the leaves blowing everywhere when the car pulls in to Higgin's driveway? Obviously in his defense, Tom had one of the top 3 mustaches of the 1980s. It was a pristine piece of hair. And like Hasselhoff, Mr. Selleck was not at a loss for chest hair either. Fortunately for Tom and the world alike, by nature of living in Hawaii, we got to see his chest hair on a more frequent basis. And sometimes, we would get a little bonus treat, like a fat kid getting an extra dessert, by seeing Magnum's leg hair when the camera would pan down. God bless OP shorts and god bless the camera pan down. Only one word can describe that scene . . . glorious. He was also named after a gun. Which is most definitely P-I-M-P. He also lived in a mansion for free, got to talk to a man named Higgins, had ladies all the time, and like previously stated, wore OP shorts. But even if you threw all of that evidence out the window, you would still have the biggest and most incriminating sign of all . . . . in the opening credits . . . we see Tom Selleck holding a girl in his arms . . . in the ocean . . . while she snorkels. Now if that is not P-I-M-P then I for one do not know what is. That right there, along with the other evidence is enough for me to definitively say that Tom Selleck is a bigger P-I-M-P than David Hasselhoff in the 1980s. While Hasselhoff might win the contest in the 1990s, Selleck is the hands down winner of the title of "Biggest P-I-M-P of the 1980s". Congratulations Mr. Selleck and may we all strive to be the kind of life-changing P-I-M-P that we got to get small glimpse of in Mr. Selleck's work.
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