11.27.2002 

I'm going home for the Thanksgiving holidays today. I'm leaving at lunch and I'll be back on Sunday. Wish me luck as I prepare my ears and minds for my mom's continuous play of Kenny G's Christmas album. Pray that I don't go crazy from listening to 5 straight days of non-tickle-my-ear music. Started a new book yesterday, A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren. The first 40 pages are the best that I've ever read on the modern to postmodern transition. And the Introduction to the book puts into words everything that I've been feeling, thinking, and working through for the past 6 months to a year. Definitely recommend what I've read so far.

11.26.2002 

You've got to burn to shine - Ben Harper

 

This is an article written by Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill Fellowship in Seattle. Defining postmodernity is a very unpostmodern thing to do. Categories, definitions, dates and such feel like impositions forced upon seasons and experiences for the purpose of simplifying and marginalizing things profound. Nonetheless, I will attempt in the wandering stream of consciousness that follows to take you on a journey through the emerging matrix of our world that is not intended as an academic treatment of the issue. Instead, I will write whatever comes to mind for one hour and then stop because anything more than that makes me pop Advil to dull the throb in my three pound, fallen brain. I will also provide the disclaimer that I write this on my rainy day off in Seattle listening to the new Creed album while recovering from a potentially fatal dose of house paint inhalation following my recent Bob Villa adventure on my little piece of the Promised Land. For the Christian conversation, postmodernity is a sub-topic within the post-Christian world. The troubles began with the well meaning Constantine who shifted the Christian faith from a marginal rag tag of persecuted also-rans to a viable first rate religion. In so doing, he wed the state and church, and their bizarre freak show child became known as Constantinianism, or what the American founding fathers called civil religion. As such, the church and her kingdom experienced great favor and freedom within the confines of the kingdom of the king. Over time, it became vogue and chic to be a "christian", to the degree that many nations fund churches with tax dollars, and in the U.S. every president has claimed to follow Jesus and commenced their violation of most of His commands with a public prayer from a highly trained professional. The religious right has so committed itself to this nutjob sitcom that they have attempted to revise history and sell the myth that the founding fathers were all good Christian folks with minivans who attended fundie churches on Sundays and got the Constitution on tablets of stone from deist Thomas Jefferson's encounter with the triune god (slavery, deism, and rationalism) upon a grassy knoll. A little over 1000 years into this doomed marriage Rene Descartes was commissioned by the now wealthy church to create a defense of the Christian faith against the emerging academic elite that dismissed ecclesiastical dogma as outdated and unfounded superstition. Why? Because he was not a Calvinist who believed God could fight his own battles. After all, some major assets were at stake and so big Descartes needed to defend the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; for a fee of course. Forgetting that God's only defense of Himself is saying that people who don't know that are fools, Decartes had to created a big bottom piece upon which to construct his giant Jenga game of philosophical inquiry. And what was his bottom piece? "I think therefore I am." From the firing of this rationalist shot, the human race toward dis-enlightenment commenced, as the only thing that could be trusted was the individual and their mind. Armed with the scientific method, the four hundred year marathon sprinted from scientific rationalism (we can only trust what the mind can prove through "objective" scientific testing and retesting) to deistic naturalism (the world is a closed system that runs like a machine according to laws that cannot be violated, even by God), to skepticism (since God and miracles cannot be proven by science and violate our natural laws, it is unreasonable to commit to religion as anything more than good morals for social order) to atheism (God does not exist, or as Nietzsche saw it, God was a concept that we killed). This handing of the baton from one runner to another, combined with the evolutionary myth that we are born good and getting better all the time thanks to education, science and caffeine, resulted in the oppression of the less fit and killing of those nations resisting "progress." We also learned from the industrial, scientific, and technological revolutions that science is good for more than creating television altars where the entire family can be numbed into a vegetative state by sports, game shows, and people getting kicked in the groin recorded on the grainy Blair Witch footage of hand-held family cameras and shown on America's Funniest Home Videos of Modern Educated Highly Evolved Well Educated People Laughing At Other Highly Evolved Well Educated People Getting Kicked In The Groin. Yes, we could build bombs and guns and kill the bad guys. And so we did. And, the twentieth century witnessed more bloodshed and groin shots than all of human history to that point combined. Convinced the race should be called off before the world ended, some postmodern philosophers decided to pull the bottom piece out from under the now towering Jenga game that Descartes started. Men like Jacques Derrida began taking critiques raised by Wittgenstein, Hegel, Kierkegaard, and Kant and raising objections against the modern project. Is the concept of rugged isolated individualism a dangerous myth? Is the human mind entirely trustworthy? Is it possible that objectivity is not possible? Is not naturalism an unproven faith assumption? Is not the human condition evil and not good? Is it truly funny to get kicked in the groin?And so postmodernity began. Not as a unified system of thought, nor a collective dream for the future. Instead, it is a critique; a deconstruction of a kingdom that laid a foundation with Constantine and became a high rise with Descartes. As the bottom piece of the Jenga game is nearly entirely kicked out, the western church finds itself being dragged from the center of power and influence like a spoiled bratty kid who turns dead weight and throws a fit on the floor because they dropped their ice cream cone. The western church has lost any concept of missions from the margins since they have been in bed with the king so long and enjoyed the benefits of his palace so greatly that any concept of leaving is unthinkable. Now, kicked out of the palace and sent by God as a people on mission into the chaos of the collapsing world, the mighty and empowered sent people of God packed up their evangelical fish baptized minivans and headed to the suburbs at breakneck speed in an attempt to set up shop, hawk some Christian gifts, market some cheesy Christian bands to disadvantaged kids whose fundie parents never allowed them to watch MTV, invite their friends into the ghetto, and erect the walls; tossing over the occasional moral hand grenade against abortion doctors and homos and calling it �evangelism�, the good news of the loving and well marketed Rambo-Christ. Meanwhile, the mainline church continues to live in a state of denial, kind of like my buddy who was once cool and is now fat and bald and married with four kids who kick him in the groin. He drives his Camaro past our old high school whistling at girls because in his tweaked Ridlin head he's still a young fresh fellow. Likewise, mainliners somehow look at empty buildings with a handful of grey haired faithful and talk about the good old days when people knew they existed, back when Noah was their bishop and the organ on the Ark was powered by the Spirit of God directly, and simply think they can outlive time, which has passed them by.Meanwhile, the world is on the internet forming a global nation. Information is expanding at a rate unparalleled in human history. Everyone is spiritual and atheists are the last of the fundamentalists. People know they are sinful, but without the Gospel they fall into depression and run to shrinks and drug companies to cope. People are longing to connect in community as whole people while the church remains a goofy collection of individual minds with very bad pop music. Filmmakers have become the new preachers, telling spiritual parables to a listening world (i.e. Seven. The Matrix, The Devil's Advocate). Meanwhile, nutty, Christian, end-times-prophecy-Kazinski's throw books on the shelves and films into the theaters trying to predict when we'll get off the postmodern roller coaster, while the lost try to figure out how to squeeze ten minutes of semi-sanity in our breakneck isolated selfish debt ridden sexually confused lonely world temporarily propped up by Viagra and Prozac.In it all, Jesus with tear-stained cheeks cries out to believers and non "Come to me all you who are burdened and heavy laden and I will give you rest." Finally, some good news.

11.25.2002 

what i'm listening to this week: Weezer - Blue, Gangsta Mix Volume V, Moby - Play, Moby - 18, David Crowder Band - Can You Hear Us? what i'm reading this week: The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer and The Celtic Way of Evangelism by George Hunter, Romans, and 1 John

11.22.2002 

" . . . I'll be reading one and I can only think about finishing it so I can start another one. Or I'll have a stack of 100 that I've bought and need to read, but I'll see another one that I want and I'll go ahead and buy it even though I don't have the money and I have a stack 100 tall that I still need to read. Books are my kryptonite."

 

I am working on an article regarding the mystery and paradox of God. I'll be posting it in sections when it is finished.

11.20.2002 

I would rather be wrong and be on the adventrous, full of faith side than I would be on the safe side. I'd rather die making a difference and suffering everything, than I would to have everything and sitting on my butt. If it comes to a fork in the road where I must choose from two paths, one that looks good and traveled by man, or the one that looks the loneliest, let me walk the one that makes me look foolish to man. If I'm going to err, let it be on the side of madness. If the only way to be a "successful" Christian is to fit in, then count me out. I'd rather fall flat on my face a thousand times trying to serve others for God, than I would to have just one moment of "adoration" in safety. Because to worship God means to serve God. May I never have empty worship anymore.

 

If I seem foolish to the world, please see me as faithful to You.

 

Death to Victoria's Secret outside of the context of marriage. Death to it and their tv show thats coming on tonight. Because of their stupid tv show I have to stay at least at a 3 mile radius of any tv so the super models don't draw me in with their lack of clothes disguised as lingerie. A plague upon their house. Why must they tempt the little man with garbage?

 

Concepts create idols. Only wonder understands. - Gregory of Nyssa Look at people. Notice their faces. Imagine the story behind each face - where they have come from, where they are going and why, whom they love and who loves them, what they want and need and dream about, what drives them and draws them. You are a story in progress surrounded by stories in progress, and at any moment, your story could intersect with the story of someone else, and as a result, both of your stories will take a novel turn. In the process, both of you will find yourselves part of God's unfolding story too, because God's story intersects with ours at every turn, in every breath, pulsing in every heartbeat. - Brian McLaren from More Ready Than You Realize

11.19.2002 

This can symbolize how bogus I think school is. One of the questions that I'm supposed to answer for a study guide that is due tonight is: "Know the essence of God." I have to know the essence of God in a paragraph. A paragraph. What the heck is that? Those 5 words may single handedly be the dumbest thing anyone has ever put down on a piece of paper. Ridiculous. Freaking ridiculous. And I'm supposed to spend the next year and a half of my life learning like this? Why would I ever think that was a waste of time?

 

It is a great question whether those whom God cannot make mad have ever really existed for God. Order the preachers to keep quiet on Sunday. What is left? Well, then the essential thing is left: lives, the daily existence with which the pastor preaches. But seeing those, will you get the impression that it is Christianity that is being preached? It is dangerous business to arrive in eternity with possibilities that you have prevented from becoming actualities. The possibility for the highest is in every soul; you must follow it. If God does not want it, then let him hinder it. You must not hinder it yourself. Surely Christianity's intention is that a person use this life to venture out, to do so in such a way that God can get hold of him, and that one gets to see whether or not he actually has faith. Practicing Christian faith is not very useful and it is highly impractical. Indeed, is there anything more impractical than offering one's life for the truth? Is there anything more foolish than not looking to one's own advantage? Is there anything more ridiculous than making one's life difficult and strenuous and being rewarded with insults? Is there anything more impractical than being labeled - not with titles and honors - but with abuse and ridicule? For a sailor to die at sea where he risked his life in the hope of profit, for the soldier to fall in battle where he risked his life in the hope of becoming a general - that is more like it, that is practical - but to die for the truth?! (Hint: He is being sarcastic) - Soren Kierkegaard

11.18.2002 

Open my eyes to a reality far bigger than me. We spend so much time in vain. What would it look like if we took the 2 hours a day we spend in useless things (watching tv, movies, sitting around) and spend them instead in chasing after God and ministering and buildning relationships with others? What effect would these 2 hours have on our day? What effect would it 14 hours a week have? 56 hours a month? 672 hours a year? What would it look like?

 

What I'm Reading This week: Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer and More Ready Than You Realize by Brian McLaren, Romans, Matthew, and Galatians What I'm Listening to This Week: Enter the Worship Circle (1st and 2nd Circles), David Crowder Band - Can You Hear Us, Passion - Our Love Is Loud, Everybody Duck, Any Given Day, & Apt Core What I'm Eating This Week: Mini-Tootsie Pops and Starburst Pops Prayer Requests This Week: my small groups guys, Josh's grandfather, Allison Wells, school, direction, clarity, my heart, consistency, my future wife and ministry, wisdom, & other assorted stuff

11.15.2002 

What am I doing? What kingdom am I living in? Do I live in Christendom or do I live in the kingdom of God? In religion or relationship? Where am I? Where do I stand? This is ridiculous. I want to love God but I don't know how. I don't know what's going on in anymore. I don't know which way is up. If I did, I swear I'd follow it. Things that are making me rethink: Matthew 5:27-30, 6:19-21, 6:28-34, 7:21-23, 8:18-22 Luke 9:23-25, 9:57-62, 13:24-30, 14:25-27, 18:29-30 And don't ever read Kierkegaard. He'll screw up your perfect little world. His sayings: - The difficulty is not to understand what Christianity is, but to become and to be a Christian. - If a person does not become what he understands, then he does not understand it either. - The passion of faith lies not in testifying to an eternal happiness, but in transforming one's own existence into a testimony to it. - Seeking the truth means that the seeker himself is changed, so that he may become the place where the object of his search can be.

11.13.2002 

Ben Harper - Burn To Shine, Beck - Sea Change, They Might Be Giants - Greatest Hits, Weezer - BSides/Cover Songs/& Rarities, Dispatch

 

I love music so much. In my opinion there is nothing else in the world (outside of God) that can capture you like music. It can make you smile. Make you cry. Take you high. Take you low. Take you into the future and bring back the past so vividly. It can take you to a moment. Either a good or bad moment, but it can take you there. It stirs something in my soul. It leads me to places. Awakens my soul. Heightens my senses. And as crazy as it sounds, alot of time it draws me to God. And I'm not necessarily talking about "Christian" music, if thats even a genre. Basically, I love music. It makes me smile.

11.11.2002 

What I'm Reading This Week: A compilation of Soren Kierkegaard's writings, Romans, Luke What I'm Listening To This Week: Weezer - Blue, Weezer - Maldraoit, Counting Crows Mix, Ben Harper (tres cds), and the Cheerio Mix

11.08.2002 

In seach of the ultimate cd mix. What will it be? What will the songs look like? How will they flow? Will it be as good 10 years from now as it is today? The quest continues . . .

11.07.2002 

Looked at stars last night. Saw a shooting star. My 2nd in less than a week.

11.06.2002 

If love doesn't come out of you mouth, it is not within you. - Kevin the homeless guy www.thehomelessguy.blogspot.com

 

I am God blind Callous stone and thick skinned Hollow, empty shell Covered in physical and spiritual flesh A frame held by nothing Fabricated being A Judas kiss I give I am God blind.

11.04.2002 

What I'm reading this week: A compilation of Soren Kierkegaard's writings What I'm listening to this week: Weezer - Blue, Weezer - Maldraoit, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, David Crowder, Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

This is an excerpt from my friend Cari's mind on a walk to the post office. "Cold. Must walk faster. Go to post-office, mail cell phone bill. I wonder if they'll shut it off. Does that mean I don't have to pay for cancellation? Maybe they'll track me down, or Dad down since it is in his name. That girl next to me is walking awefully slow. Maybe she can see my shadow coming to pass her. Oh good, she mover to the left. Pedal to the metal, high speed walking. All right, I am ahead. But wait, it is such a beautiful day. Shouldn't I be walking slower? I am in no hurry. As a matter of fact, I have extra time. But if I do, she'll wonder why I slowed down right after I passed her. Hmm, into the post office. Is he cute? Whoa no. Too bad. Anyways, I really wish there were less stairs at SPU. I better be getting buff with all this climbing up and down. Aaah, the library. Silent bliss."

11.01.2002 

Thoughts In the past ministers were trained to do more pastoral care work because most people had as their starting point a Christian worldview or a plausability structure that interpreted the world through a Christian lens. This is not to say that the world was Christian or that even that it acted Christian. But for the most part society was shaped by morals and beliefs that were derived from Christianity. Therefore, it was perceived by the church, that there was not a huge need for missionary work within the Western world. So the focus of the church was on maintaining the body, which of course led to a predominantly pastoral care focused ministry. However, in today's context, leadership needs to be focused more on missional work. Because the reigning plausability structures are not Christians. Instead the lens from which people view life is derived from a plurality of places. The greater needs in today's context involve missional work and the theological implications involved in sorting through this changing culture and shifting plausability structures. Every move has a story. And every story has an end. - Ben Harper Church should be geared in such a way that more ministry is done by the body (the priesthood of believers) in their worlds than ministry that is done on by the "Sunday" church. The Kingdom of God. What are the implications for me in living in the Kingdom of God? How do I get there?

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