8.31.2005 

Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you. ____________________________________________ Steal my heart and hold my tongue. I feel my time, my time has come. Let me in, unlock the door. I've never felt this way before. The wheels just keep on turning, The drummer begins to drum, I don't know which way I'm going, I don't know which way I've come. Hold my hand inside your hands, I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears, For you, I've waited all these years. For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come. Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come, and set me free, Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me. ____________________________________________ What if there was no light? Nothing wrong, nothing right. What if there was no time? And no reason or rhyme. Your heavy heart Is made of stone And it's so hard to see you, clearly You don't have to be on your own You don't have to be on your own My song is love My song is love unknown, But I'm on fire for you, clearly You don't have to be alone You don't have to be on your own My song is love, is love unknown? And I've got to get that message home. ____________________________________________ You cut me down a tree And brought it back to me And that's what made me see Where I was going wrong And I could write it down And spread it all around Get lost and then get found or swallowed in the sea You put me on a line And hung me out to dry And darling, that's when I decided to go see You cut me down to size And opened up my eyes Made me realize What I could not see And I could write a book The one they'll say that shook The world and then it took It took it back from me Oh, what good is it to live With nothing left to give Forget, but not forgive Not loving all you see All the streets you're walking on A thousand houses long Well, that's where I belong And you belong with me Not swallowed in the sea You belong with me Not swallowed in the sea Yeah, you belong with me Not swallowed in the sea

8.29.2005 

Recent Designs

8.25.2005 

What I'm Reading: Telling The Truth, The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy, and Fairy Tale and Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard What I'm Listening: Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Who, Johnny Cash, The Arcade Fire, Sigur Ros, Weezer What I'm Watching: Freaks and Geeks, The Complete Series Song of the Week: Happy Jack - The Who

8.18.2005 

rembrandt's "the prodigal son"

8.16.2005 

CROWDER MUSINGS The Story of Marty Stuart and The Rather Understated Jacket: grandparents are the greatest. the way their voice cracks a little. the way everything reminds them of something else that happened a very long time ago. the way they know everything about everything and can fix everything. the way their eyes look the same in the old photographs that they show you. i recently read that the elderly are the most content of any age group and i thought it a shame we have to wait so long to come to grips with ourselves. jason solley, one of the guitar players in our band and whom we refer to as simply �solley�, has one of the most genuinely kind men i�ve ever met for a grandfather. you can feel it in his handshake and his eyes and i suspect that this has always been the case even though i�ve not seen any pictures of him in his younger days. he has been present on numerous evenings that we have been in concert and on one particular occasion, a little over one year ago, he commented to his beloved grandson that, and i quote, �you boys sound wonderful but you should really do a bluegrass number. you know i love bluegrass. it is in fact the superior variety of music.� solley was kind enough to relay his sentiments and, had it come from any source other than a man of such generous heart, we could have easily taken offense. you see we don�t play bluegrass music and in effect he had suggested to his grandson that what we had just offered was indeed music of an inferior variety. i at first dismissed such a request, due to the obvious; no one owning a banjo nor desiring to up to that point. but i began researching the genre if for no other reason than you should never be too hasty in neglecting the advise of your elders. and low and behold i stumbled into the eschatology of bluegrass. at the age of thirteen marty stuart found himself on the road with lester flatts, a bluegrass legend, and found peers in the likes of roy acuff, ernest tubb, bill monroe and grandpa jones. any friend of lester�s was a friend of his by reasons of proximity. after lester died, the next band he would join would be johnny cash�s. marty has grown into a living history of country music. with an extraordinary solo career melding bluegrass, rockabilly and country into a single amalgamation while building a reputation for his gifted guitar and mandolin skill, his sparkling bejeweled stage attire, and his very large and fabulous hair, he has continued to embody the definitive spirit of what country music is. exactly a week after jason solley had related the sentiments of his grandfather regarding bluegrass music, he again came to me and proclaimed, �we need to have marty stuart help us with the bluegrass song.� i said, �i never said we were doing a bluegrass song.� jason responded, �we should. it�s a superior musical form. and we should get marty stuart to help us.� i said, �well of course we should. but, that would require someone actually knowing marty stuart. i don�t know marty stuart. you don�t know marty stuart. none of us knows marty stuart, not that we are doing a bluegrass tune.� exactly one day later, we walked through the back doors of a performance hall in nashville tn and there was marty stuart, in complete marty glory. he wore a black suit that was aglow in rhinestones sparkling down both sleeves and spanning his back in the shape of a very large cross. his hair was flawless and bigger than mine. he wore shades. now you must be extremely cool to attempt wearing sunglasses indoors and not provoke ridicule and i tell you that his sat so casually i did not even noticed them until later while catching my reflection in them as we stood exchanging phone numbers. i could feel his stare through them and i had the distinct impression that he was sizing me up. trying to make up his mind about something. it would be another year before we were again in the same room as marty but as he shook our hands goodbye and spoke what would be for us a memorable line, �boys in the immortal words of little richard i believe there will be a divine moment when we are all together,� i decided that i should settle on which bluegrass tune we would start learning. it was a sunday afternoon when i heard my wife yelling from our tv room, �david! this is it! this is the one!!!� i ran from my office to where she was, trying to formulate possibilities as to what could provoke such volume and entered the room to johnny cash singing �i saw the light.� she had both watched and participated in hours and hours of my pouring over bluegrass lyrics and tracing historical threads of song origins and authors and stories surrounding the songs and knew i was currently busy with the search in my office. as johnny sang from the tv i started rattling off information about the song to her. i went on about how the original melody was a tune called �he set me free� and how it was thought that hank williams had borrowed the tune and that it was just the way it was done back then, melodies were interchangeable and fluid things. while i talked johnny stood on stage waving his arms as a large crowd sang along and i knew she was right, this was the one. i called jason. a year later we were in nashville again and it was marty�s voice on the other end of a phone. �boys, meet me at the warehouse,� he said. �the warehouse� was north of town in hendersonville. he had told us to, �look for the black cadillac,� which i thought was just perfect. what greeted us inside his storage facility was florescent lighting and a wall of what appeared to be show clothes; racks of suits singing with colored piping and gleaming jewels. shelves and shelves of boots. tall boots. short boots. black boots. red boots. boots of every shade of the visable spectrum. and in the corner, stacks and stacks of instrument cases. we began to wander in, drawn by the barrage of shimmering luminescence, when marty said, �not yet boys. first we talk.� that�s when i noticed the circle of chairs properly arranged. and so we sat down and we began to talk. a year�s worth of anticipation for this moment, whatever it was to hold, and what immediately followed was perfectly disappointing. �so you boys like red bull,� he asked? �uh, i guess. yes. it is really tasty,� we responded. �yeah, i like the red bull,� he said. this exchange went on for forty five minutes. a year�s wait to talk about red bull and other equally triteful subjects. looking back i think he was stalling, still trying to make up his mind, deciding whether we were good or bad. that�s what i�ve grown to love about him and his contemporaries. for them every moment is about good and bad. the struggle is visible and real. i think maybe that�s how folks like hank williams and johnny cash could sing about the bottle one second and jesus the next and why hank was able to write one of the most meaningful gospel songs of all time; because every moment was about light and dark and sometimes the dark won but the struggle went on and he knew light would win in the end. then suddenly marty leaned forward, letting his shades drop down his nose just enough for his eyes to catch mine directly, and he said, �david, i�ve got something for you.� with that he got up and made for one of the racks lining the wall. i followed slightly behind him as thoughts began careening in my head of perhaps a jacket with my bejeweled name on it or some knee high boots in orange, and then i thought i heard him muttering something about cinderella. as he reached the wall of clothes he bent down and pulled a fairly understated suit from the lowest rack. he had that most fantastic grin. taking it off it�s hanger he said, �turn around.� i did. then i most definitely heard the distinct word �cinderella� come from behind me very near my ear as he slid the lightish blue jacket onto me. �boys, cinderella!� he announced as he spun me around to face him. the grin had grown impossibly larger and bore the most complete satisfaction and he was now muttering, �i knew it. i knew it,� while shaking his head. i said, �yeah. wow. fits great. cool. really.� �button it,� he said. i did. he laughed out loud. �cinderella boys. cinderella,� he proclaimed once again as he scurried off to another corner of the room while we stood in a huddle staring at each other. it was obvious to all, that the jacket did indeed fit like a glove and it is also obvious that i am not of the average build, as i am extremely tall and thin, and i will admit that i had up to this point in life not tried on a jacket that fit so well. but this was still all very extremely odd. marty was back from his rummaging about in the corner with what appeared to be a boxed record set. he plopped it down on the table. �that�s this one right here,� he said tapping the cover as we gathered around and leaned in. what i saw sent my heart to my throat. it was an album cover of hank williams, wearing the very jacket i had on. i was having trouble breathing. all of a sudden the jacket felt very tight and heavy. i will never forget the sudden weight of it. in that moment i recalled a television show i had seen a week prior that counted down the top gospel songs of all time. the number two song had been connie smith, marty�s wife, singing �how great thou art� and the number one song of all time had been hank williams� �i saw the light�. the video footage they showed was of him on stage in this very jacket. i was trying to remember if i had told marty which song we were planning to do. i hadn�t. and i started to stammer to him but he was gone again. �david. come here. i want you to see this,� he said from the other side of the table. he was tapping at something again. i walked around to where he was and leaned over. it was �i saw the light�. it was the original handwriting of hank. these were the words that had formed for the first time on paper. the letters were scrawled and there were misspellings and lines scratched through and then you could distinctly see on paper where things really started to flow. �marty,� i said. i sounded out of breath. �the song we are planning to do is �i saw the light�.� he smiled the same smile as i�d seen earlier when he had pushed me away to observe the jacket�s fit, �well i�ll be,� he said. i thought immediately of little richard�s words.

8.08.2005 

its been a pretty busy weekend. we closed on our house. we moved into our house. my boys came through for us. matty b, peerow, benton kelly, robiere, logan, and patrick flexed their muscles. anna gets her flower painting and i get to minimize the viewing of her wooden "believe" sign. compromise. matty b bought 26 pints of ice cream. i want to run for city council. and ashley, kelly, and the stephanies are always welcome. green flames in the chimenia. bad idea to burn massive amounts of colored cardboard. thats it.

8.03.2005 

being anti-homosexual, pro-war, pro-rich, and anti-environment is a very distrubed reflection of Jesus. - brian mclaren

 

i'm coming up with adjectives that i think describe myself. dreamer, co-creator, and adventurer. i'm adding swashbuckler. which is a flamboyant swordsman or adventurer. thats about right. you may also want to check out this site: http://people.freenet.de/hawkeyepike/

8.02.2005 

I was thinking the other day . . . I was watching the Truman Show. That movie resonates on so many levels with me. To many levels to get into here. But the whole world of comfort and safety versus the world of the unknown and adventure. The pseudo-creator and the real Creator. The fact that Truman is trapped in this fake world where nothing is really important, meaningful, or real. Yet his life is important, meaningful, and real. His deep down desire for something more. Not to just escape, but to fully live. Again a lot of levels that I could sit on for a while. But I started thinking about the whole idea of improvising. I rather like the idea of improvising. To invent, compose, or perform with little or no preparation. Sometimes I feel like humanity has been improvising since the Fall. We messed it up. Dropped the ball. And started this whole downward spiral that we find ourselves in. And we've kind of been improvising ever since. God is restoring it all. He is slowly reversing the downward spiral. One day, this grand reversal will be fully realized. But until then . . . we improvise. We invent, we compose, we perform, we create, we dream, we live. I heard a church planter the other day say one of things that God gave us, one of things that resembles and is akin to his personality, is the ability to create. I believe God has made us co-creators with him, or maybe sub-creators. Granted, we'll never create anything with the grandeur and scale that he created with, but yet he still invites us to create. Nothing else has that capacity. Just us and God. To make things with our hands, to dream things with our minds. Thats why I love the arts so much. And thats why I think its so sad that the church doesn't place value on the arts. I think when we co-create with God, we are experiencing a high level of what we were supposed to be. The world has been thrown into flux. God lets us improvise with him. He invites us into the process of restoring things. Making things right. So he says, improvise . . . dream, create, compose, perform . . . improvise ways to restore things. In The Truman Show, Truman goes through some scenes where he begins to improvise. He begins to realize things aren't right. The people around him are tuned out to reality. They are blindly marching to a different script. So he improvises. He throws them off their game. He begins running wildly. Darting left then darting back to the right. Yelling. Jumping. Doing anything he can to snap them out of their preplanned lives. Doing anything he can to shake things up. He improvises. As I was watching the movie, I just kept thinking about how much he was improvising to get things going, to shake things up. Sometimes I think we need to shake things up. With our own lives, with those around us. We need to improvise. This isn't a violent shake-up. But its simply divine improvisation. Invent, dream, create, perform, conduct, live . . . ways that aren't expected. We're in this downward spiral. The quest now is to be a part of God's slow, gradual reversal as he restores all things to himself. How we do that, how we partner with God in that . . . well thats up to our improvisation.

8.01.2005 

I'm not going to lie. I resent PUMA. I would like to not resent such a fine establishment with such uber-magnificent clothing and apparel. Yet I still find within my heart a cold spot where resentment towards Puma has taken hold. It is not that I do not respect the clothing. Its that I can not afford them. Even if I was loaded rich, I still wouldn't want to waste that much money on a jacket. But I do like the jackets and shoes. And part of me wishes I had a closet full of PUMA jackets, at least 71 jackets. That I could go in and pick and out where a new one everyday. But I can't. And I won't. But I wish. I'm sorry PUMA. I'll stick to the 2 pair of shoes that I have and will only resent the jacket wearers.

 

The Way Of Jesus (click here for my thoughts on the relentless grace of God)

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  • I'm Josh
  • From Atlanta, Georgia
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