welcome to the story.

I think sometimes it might be important for us to distinguish what type of music is shaping the context that we are writing in. Sometimes I wish I could hand every one a cd to listen to while they read whatever it is that I�ve written. I think music helps make writing make sense. It couches the feeling and guts and captures the perspective of the author. With that in mind, I�ve been writing the last few days to David Crowder�s new album, A Collision. And its within the words and sounds of those songs that I�m finding the articulation of the very things that I�m thinking and settling in on. I�m also sitting outside on a deck with Anna�s mac. It�s 9:45. Cloudless, star filled night. And low 60s. If that�s not an attempt at romanticizing a moment, then I don�t know what it is. So that�s where I�m at right now as I attempt to expand a little bit on my thoughts from a couple of nights ago. And you really might want to go back and read what I wrote a couple of nights ago to really know where I�m coming from. And even then I�m not sure those paragraphs will be of much help in understanding where I�m arriving at. I was talking (writing) a lot about what it meant to understand history from a narrative approach. About how we needed to understand what the purpose of why God created humanity and why God created earth and the heavens (sky). About how God begins the whole story and about how God says the whole story is going to climax (not �The End� of the story, but the turning of the page to the next chapter, etc). And we really have to start with the first two chapters of Genesis and end with the last two chapters of Revelation. They kind of frame everything for us. Without us understanding the whole purpose of the Genesis/creation project and how it got lost. We can�t properly understand the rest of the narrative. We can�t understand the point of Israel. The point of the prophets. The point of Jesus. The point of the cross. The point of the Holy Spirit. The point of the church. The point of �end times�. All these things that have theologies of their own are intricately tied to the first two chapters of Genesis. But what we�ve done is read out of our present our own needs and desires and misunderstood the point of it all. This has caused to us interpret the above topics in some misleading ways. So I think I�ll talk a minute about salvation. Which I got into a little bit the other night. Salvation, to me at least, is not so much about the individual soul being saved, but about the whole of creation being saved from its fall. This isn�t a tree hugging �green� theology. Although I�ll explain why nature is explicitly tied to the whole story as well later on. Creation being saved from the fall basically implies that God�s primary agenda in the world from Genesis 2 on has been all about restoring the Genesis/creation project. Somehow we�ve read about the stories of how God has been using individual people (within the context of community) to bring about this �new creation�, and interpreted that the main emphasis of God�s agenda is the salvation of the individual. I don�t think anyone would hardly disagree with that. Because its been somewhat fed to us since we were born. If I asked 10 people why God sent Jesus to this world, 10 people would say to give us a way to heaven, to save people, to give me eternal life. Again, this is highly subtle and sounds good but I don�t think most of us realize just how much changes based on the subtlety of emphasis on the differences between the two. I think some of that is wrapped up in why God sent Jesus. Why Jesus himself came. But I�m beginning to realize how much of Jesus coming to earth has to do with the restoration of what was lost in Genesis. Namely, the loss of paradise, the loss of creation, the loss of true humanity. The individual finds his place within the salvation story. But that�s just it . . . the salvation story is primarily about God sending His son to restore creation. Creation involves not just humanity, but the earth, the heavens, the paradise that was created. But what was accomplished on the cross was really only a foretaste. A small glimpse. C.S. Lewis even goes as far as to assume that the miracles of Jesus in the gospels were not done for the point of showing people his power, illustrating his deity. But the miracles that happened were types of creative outbursts where new creation, restoration of the Genesis project, humanity set right, were taking place. His book miracles really expands on this idea. So in the quick up to date timeline. God creates paradise. The perfect humanity. The perfect creation. The perfect earth. The perfect heavens. Adam and Eve do something stupid and blow the whole thing. So instead of just scratching the whole creation project. He decides to go ahead and use the traitor race of humanity to bring about the restoration of what they broke. So he calls out Israel. Creates a community to go out and live differently. Go out and reach back to the past. Go back and live like we were supposed to live in the Garden of Eden, thus becoming an example to the rest of the world of what is possible. So he calls out a community to move forward towards the future, where all will be restored, while reaching back to the past. A necessary paradox to understand and to develop later. This community keeps dropping the ball. Keeps messing up. So he sends Jesus into the story. Maybe the reason was that he realized that the old way just wasn�t working. Just wasn�t getting through to them. But if he entered humanity, walked and talked among them. Came and gave a model for living. Gave a really big sacrifice . . . his life. Then that would inspire. That would really break through to them. So Jesus life was not only about providing a way to be saved �individually� but also how to restore what was lost. It�s both/and. But I can�t help but wonder why we�ve neglected everything but the salvation of the individual soul. When that�s the only concern, its no wonder that we�re left with the current state and theologies of the church today. And as I kind of set this thought down for a while, I�d like to say one thing before I hit �publish�. Maybe the reason much of modern Christianity spends so much time talking about heaven and the salvation of the individual soul from this earth, from this temporary time and into eternity, is because they don�t really like this earth. They see culture as sacred or secular. I see it as either redeemed or in need of redemption. And maybe I�m a pagan. But I actually like culture. I like earth. I like people. I like people who aren�t Christians. So I want to do what I can to not only help people do the �eternity� thing. But I want to help them become better humans. I want to help make this world a better place. I actually want to see all of humanity and creation restored to what it was supposed to be. Not just destroyed (along with all the homosexuals and Democrats) so that all the Christians can go to heaven. Which is essentially what the salvation story/gospel is for a good majority of the church. I really want to see God fulfill Revelation 21 and 22. And restore what was lost. To set the world right. It's a novel idea I know. But one that I think deserves some merit. And thats all I got tonight.

There is nothing better than listening to a live cover of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire by Coldplay. Single handedly elevated the show from great to superb. Thanks Peggi!

So I was listening to this conversation that N.T. Wright was giving at last years Emergent Gathering today. And he kind of touched on an idea and then didn't really develop it fully, so it got me thinking. It kind of fits in with this whole narrative approach to Scripture that I've been discovering over the last year. And I'm not going to really be able to give this full justice and give a full explanation because I'm lazy when it comes to writing a bunch of stuff out. But essentially he teased the idea that much of our problem when it comes to our understanding of "heaven", is a gross misinterpretation of the words of Jesus as well as a misinterpretation of Pauline and Old Testament prophetic language. In a nut shell, and again I can't and don't really won't to spend more than a couple of sentences on this, heaven is not so much the whole clouds in the sky imagery that we've grown up with. Heaven is essentially the restoration of the Genesis project. That ultimately all of life is about restoring what was lost at the Fall. Stay with me. God created Paradise. And created humanity. Created this place. His intentions for this are beyond me. Pleasure, boredom, an outburst of creativity. I don't know. My first thoughts would be that the Genesis story may not even be Chapter One of the story. But God creating humanity and earth could be midway through the narrative. Perhaps I�ll develop that thought at a later date. But basically, God created paradise. At the Fall, what God intended to be . . . was lost. Broken. Disconnected. Fragmented. Therefore, all of history is moving and advancing towards the restoration of paradise. The recreation of humanity and earth. The whole talk of heaven as clouds in the sky, kind of seems trivial in my mind. Because if �heaven� was the main goal all along, then why did God create earth in the first place. To do so wouldn�t really make sense if all he was trying to do was get us to heaven, but creating earth as a transition or stopping point along the way. It almost makes earth seem like God�s playground. Like he is just messing around with us now until he gets bored and serious and wants to go ahead with heaven. That doesn�t really work for me. Instead, within the framework of a narrative, with the Genesis project as a bookend (God creating paradise, earth, and humanity) and God creating a �new heaven and a new earth� (last chapter of Revelation as a bookend), things begin to make more sense for me. Everything in between begins to make sense in that light. Humanity was lost. Creation was lost. Paradise was lost. So all of history is now about restoring and recreating everything that was indeed lost. In this light, prophecy takes on a whole new light. That is a highly subtle comment that I am making and will leave alone for you to tease out any meaning. In this light, Jesus and his miracles take on a new light. As well as the teachings of Jesus. As well as the point of salvation. Salvation no longer becomes about �heaven when you die� but about �the kingdom of God� as you live (this living is both present and future). This is what the kingdom of God is actually referring to as Jesus goes along speaking to it and giving examples of. In this framework, the present becomes about anticipating the future. What will happen in the future (healing, grace, love, forgiveness, life, peace, the list could go on and on) . . . becomes something to be lived for now, yet only partially realized. We become foretastes of this kingdom. Foretastes of the future in the present. So the emphasis shifts from the future and into the present. A subtle shift in words and emphasis no doubt. But one that has very large implications depending on where that emphasis is put. And here�s where it comes to a point for me. We must look to the two bookends of the past and future, the Genesis project (Gen. 1+2) and the new creation and new earth (Rev. 21-22) to understand and make light of our present. I think currently, in most theologies and interpretations, we are looking out of our present to interpret the past and future. We are creating a heaven based on our own �needs� (again a very important thought that I hope to develop later on as well) such as wanting to feel safe, a type of escapism, a way of justifying our lack of concern for environmental and social concerns, and the list could go on and on. What we need to do is look to those bookends, of what God did in the beginning and what God wants to do in the end, to understand our present. Salvation then becomes not about going to heaven when you die, but becoming God�s agents of mission as we join his community to recreate. As well, this changes the intention of �salvation�. Salvation was not about justifying, sanctifying, and all those words. The theology to those are found embedded in the story. But the story is the dog. And the tail can not wag the dog. But God didn't start with a theology and then attempt to figure out a story that would make that theology work. He created a story, characters and plot, and let a theology emerge out of the story and inevitably out of his divine nature and our fallen nature. Salvation is about putting the world right. Putting the broken pieces back together. Reweaving the fragmented cloth. In this context, everything, evangelism, missions, ecclesiology, eschatology, gets recast against a different backdrop. Primarily, the narrative of God fixing what was lost in the Garden of Eden. Not the systematic explanation of the cross and resurrection and so forth and so on. Which is basically what the Bible has turned into for a great deal of Christianity. And that's about all I have for now. Hopefully, I'll come back to some more of this over the next few days. If you would like to download and listen to N.T. Wright�s thoughts on this subject and this whole concept of the Genesis project and recreation, etc. Go to the following link. There are four conversations. Each well over an hour long. But good. And if you�re really bored and interested, I thought I would include the link. Plus he's English and a bishop and in the House of Lords which makes it sound much more important. Like you're talking about God at Oxford with smart people. N.T. Wright Lectures at the Emergent Convention Go down to the middle of the page and you see his name and the links.

I kind of always talk about being authentic. Basically being true to who I am when I act and speak and live. I think that has been somewhat of an outward anthem of mine. But I think it has been a lot of talk essentially. I mean it sounds good. Because I can look at all the conservative redneck types. You know who they are. And say they aren't authentic. And they are hypocrites. It sounds good for me to talk about authenticity in that context. And it kind of makes me feel good. Elevates me a bit on the social ladder. But I don't really think I'm authentic. Or truthful to who I am sometimes. And thats kind of sad as I've realized this. Or more accurately as I've decided its about time that I become who I really am instead of shifting, adjusting, and modifying who I am to fit wherever I'm at. You see the problem for me is that its tough working where I work. And in the circles that I run in. I have presented myself at times in a way that is not authentic to what I believe and feel and think, etc. etc. You know the drill. Again this kind of rides the crest of my more hopeful attitude of late. And in the middle of that hopeful space, I believe its about time that I began to be true to what it is that I am. Because to be honest, I'm kind of tired of shifting around on a day to day basis depending on who I am with. I'm not naive. I realize that there is a time and a place where you have to put aside your own "self" (for lack of a better word) to work towards a bigger "thing". But for the most part, I think I'm done with my many faces. I think I'll just try wearing one for a while. And by the way, I am thankful for those friends of mine (you know who you are) who have always let me be me. Who don't judge. Or look at me differently. But who have always had a good sense of humor to realize the triviality of my antics. And who understand that a man and his character, and his relationship with God, can not be summed up by his adherence to a list of things. A list of do's and don't that somehow magically make me a great person by my following of them. Thanks for laughing. Thanks for letting me stretch your thinking and calling a spade a spade when I've said or done something that is to far out there. Thanks for reeling me in and walking beside me as we learn together what it means to be faithful to the way of Jesus. And thanks Beth for listening to my theology lesson and for not telling me to shut up as I'm rethinking and redreaming all of this stuff that its in my head and in my heart. You're a really good friend. I want you to know that. And thank you Anna, the one who truly understands the complexity of me. And even when you don't, thanks for being gracious and patient enough to let me be the big fish that I am. And thank you for letting me get mad. Be happy. Cry tears. And all the other things that have earned me the title of bipolar. Thank you for being one of the few people who let me be me and allow me to remain authentic to who and what I am. And for every one else, I'll see you around.

David Crowder Beautiful Collision The heart breaking makes a sound I never knew could be So beautiful and loud Fury filled and we Collide So courageous until now Fumbling and scared So afraid you'll find me out Alone here with my doubts Here it comes a beautiful collision Is happening There seems nowhere to begin There I am Now You and I Collide Something circling inside And spaciously you fly Infinite and wide Like the moon and sky Collide Here it comes Here it comes Here it comes now Here it comes Here it comes Here it comes now Collide Here it comes You and I Here it comes You and I Collide

You can here the soundtrack to the new Elizabethtown movie here. Its superb. http://myspace.com/elizabethtown

I haven't so much stumbled upon a guy by the name of N.T. Wright's works lately. But I guess I just forgot about reading and listening to his thoughts over the last year. And I guess I rediscovered him over the last couple of weeks and have been listening and reading. And he has a lot of good stuff to say. Stuff to think about it. Thats pretty simplistic way of putting it. But if you're really bored and like theological discussion, you might like him. That's all for now.

Listening: Sufjan Stevens, The Streets, David Crowder, The Decemberists, Rosie Thomas Reading: Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard & Searching For God Knows What by Don Miller

I'm not sure why or how or even when for that matter, but somewhere about 3 or 4 years ago I began to lose my faith. Not in God. But in people. Church. Christianity as it has come to be called. The answers that Christianity gave me for the questions of life became to crack at the foundation. I began to become disillusioned with the current model or paradigm or whatever you want to call it, that couched God. Its not that I couldn't, I just chose not to believe what I believed before. I was tired of weak answers. Simple prayers. Trite comments. At the time, I felt like I was losing everything that I had come to know. I felt like a heretic and an outsider. I questioned everything and everyone. Later on, as I learned some big words, I realized what I was going through was a kind of deconstruction of my view, my theology, my faith. I was reacting against and critiquing things. It had to be that way. But it was scary, frustrating, disheartening. I wanted to still believe in God but I couldn�t do so in the way that God was being presented. I just didn�t feel like believing in a Santa Claus God anymore. One who rewarded �good� people with good rewards and �bad� people with switches. A God who relentlessly talked about love, compassion, grace, and justice. And a Christianity that was quick and thirsty for war. I didn�t want to mimic conservative Republican politics. I didn�t want to believe in a god who hated homosexuals and cared more about the 10 Commandments in the courtroom than social justice. A God who hated a hand of poker, a good beer, and anybody other than a Baptist. I got tired of this kind of God. He wasn�t compatible with what I read in the gospels. I got tired of all the talk about heaven and clouds and cities of gold. All this talk about the future left me wondering what type of role my faith played in the present. I got tired of listening to Calvinists, Armenians, and talks about superlapsarianism. I got tired of talking about justification, sanctification, and glorification. I got tired of having to believe right before I could live right. More so, I got tired of excluding everyone from community who didn�t believe �our� (whatever that means) theology and methodology. I got tired of the way evangelism and missions is done (as if the two are separated). Like a cheap sales pitch. Pedaling Jesus like a used car. I got tired of reading the Bible like a self-help book, devouring it for easy answers and quick fixes. Turning it from one of the most sacred, poetic, well written stories of all time to a book full of formulas. I got tired of talk about Hell. And how God was essentially a manic depressive nut job who was going to zap you if you didn�t believe like you wanted. Giving us free will and telling us to believe in Him, but if we didn�t, he was going to fry us. I got tired of televangelists, pastors, people who begged for tithes and offering. People who were so wrapped up in their own particular ideology about war, homosexuality, denomination theology, that they couldn�t shut up long enough to ask what God wanted. There was never a conscious decision on my part to begin a journey that would lead me to reject all of that and towards something more hopeful. It sort of just happened. It was painful, it was messy, it hurt. But last night, and I have no idea why last night over any other night, but I felt like I was finally on the other side of it all. I�ll still be deconstructing, but I finally feel like I can begin to reconstruct my faith and do so in way that is much more faithful to the way of Jesus. I don�t really know why I�m writing this. As if anyone out there really needs to know this much about me and my weaknesses. But I have a good feeling that there some out there who are beginning to ask the same type of questions. Who are taking their first little baby steps in the direction of Jesus. Trying to find out if they can still be a Christian or God-follower in the midst of Christianity and the church. Trying to find some answers that actually make life, the world, faith . . . make sense. Its kind of like a giant puzzle I think. A puzzle that was put together and then set on the ocean. The water over time has pulled the pieces a part. Things are drifting. Disconnecting. Fragmenting. The puzzle is not making much sense anymore. One puzzle piece may make sense but its to hard to reconcile with another piece of the puzzle. Or in a worse case scenario, there was no water. The puzzle just exploded out and the pieces went everywhere. I finally feel like all the pieces to my faith are starting to come back towards one another instead of away from each other. I highly recommend everyone read anything by Brian McLaren or Don Miller. They helped articulate what I was thinking and feeling, especially McLaren. There is hope. There is something better out there. Christianity doesn�t have to suck. God doesn�t have to be disconnected or marginally associated with your life or the issues of this world. He�s actually closer than we think. We�ve just lost sight of the real thing. The real faith. The real agenda. There is a new way. Or better yet an old way of being a Christian. It is possible I�m finding.

I know I sound like a weirdo as much as I talk about the David Crowder Band. But go check out the ecard below. Read about each and every song that is on their upcoming album. In a day in age, in a world, where art, good art is hard to be found, especially by Christians. In a world where mass produced sounds are marketed and forced down our throats. Where Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey can become icons. Where mediocrity surrounds us at worst, and hypnotizes us at best. To find someone making good art, full of meaning and depth and history and something farther on, its a find. A hidden treasure worth embracing. Plus any band that covers a Sufjan Stevens song is worth listening to. http://www.sixstepsrecords.com/artists/crowder/collision_ecard/

What is the way of Jesus? Things are upside down in this world. In the church. In people. Misplaced values. Disconnection between the head and the heart, our knowledge and our feet. We have so much and do so little. I have so much and do so little. I am a part of the problem. Before there can be good news, there has to be bad news. And good news is coming. Hope hangs out there on the edge waiting to be embraced. It's mounted and ready to breathe new life. Nervous restlessness. I'm ready for it to hit me in the face. I'm so ready I could break free at any point and run out to it. But its so incredibly dangerous and counter current to the things that are upside down. What to do . . . what to do.