welcome to the story.

I kind of always talk about being authentic. Basically being true to who I am when I act and speak and live. I think that has been somewhat of an outward anthem of mine. But I think it has been a lot of talk essentially. I mean it sounds good. Because I can look at all the conservative redneck types. You know who they are. And say they aren't authentic. And they are hypocrites. It sounds good for me to talk about authenticity in that context. And it kind of makes me feel good. Elevates me a bit on the social ladder. But I don't really think I'm authentic. Or truthful to who I am sometimes. And thats kind of sad as I've realized this. Or more accurately as I've decided its about time that I become who I really am instead of shifting, adjusting, and modifying who I am to fit wherever I'm at. You see the problem for me is that its tough working where I work. And in the circles that I run in. I have presented myself at times in a way that is not authentic to what I believe and feel and think, etc. etc. You know the drill. Again this kind of rides the crest of my more hopeful attitude of late. And in the middle of that hopeful space, I believe its about time that I began to be true to what it is that I am. Because to be honest, I'm kind of tired of shifting around on a day to day basis depending on who I am with. I'm not naive. I realize that there is a time and a place where you have to put aside your own "self" (for lack of a better word) to work towards a bigger "thing". But for the most part, I think I'm done with my many faces. I think I'll just try wearing one for a while. And by the way, I am thankful for those friends of mine (you know who you are) who have always let me be me. Who don't judge. Or look at me differently. But who have always had a good sense of humor to realize the triviality of my antics. And who understand that a man and his character, and his relationship with God, can not be summed up by his adherence to a list of things. A list of do's and don't that somehow magically make me a great person by my following of them. Thanks for laughing. Thanks for letting me stretch your thinking and calling a spade a spade when I've said or done something that is to far out there. Thanks for reeling me in and walking beside me as we learn together what it means to be faithful to the way of Jesus. And thanks Beth for listening to my theology lesson and for not telling me to shut up as I'm rethinking and redreaming all of this stuff that its in my head and in my heart. You're a really good friend. I want you to know that. And thank you Anna, the one who truly understands the complexity of me. And even when you don't, thanks for being gracious and patient enough to let me be the big fish that I am. And thank you for letting me get mad. Be happy. Cry tears. And all the other things that have earned me the title of bipolar. Thank you for being one of the few people who let me be me and allow me to remain authentic to who and what I am. And for every one else, I'll see you around.