welcome to the story.

As a new season begins to take shape in my life and God begins to "flip some switches" that have to long waited to be flipped but have lacked the ability to release themselves to be flipped. As my heart churns and stirs and swells with restless anticipation and eagerness of what could happen. Of a dream and a hope finally close enough that I'm able to see some distant edges through the morning fog. What would it look like it? What could it look like it? What should it look like? What's important? What's valuable? What's necessary? I randomly walk to my shelf in my office and pull down a work by Soren Kierkegaard. Turn to the first page and I read: It is dangerous business to arrive in eternity with possibilities that you have prevented from becoming actualities. Possibility is a hint from God. A person must follow it. The possibility for the highest is in every soul; you must follow it. If God does not want it, then let him hinder it. You must not hinder it yourself. Trusting in God, I have ventured, but I have failed - there is peace and rest from God's confidence in that. I have not ventured - it is an utterly unhappy thought, a torment for all eternity. Surely Christianity's intention is that a person use this life to venture out, to do so in such a way that God can get hold of him, and that one gets to see whether or not he actually has faith. Christ taught something perfectly definite by believing; to believe is to venture out as decisively as it is possible, breaking with everything one naturally loves. But to him who believes, assistance against all danger is also promised. But today we play at believing, play at being Christians. We remain at home in the old grooves of finitude - and then we go and twaddle with one another, or let the preachers twaddle to us, about all the promises that are found in Christ. Is this not ridiculous? __________ In one place, I feel stunted, bored, fake, unfulfilled, untrue to me, untrue to God. In the other place, I feel life. I really do. I feel like I'm at the edge of something really large and dangerous and exciting and hopeful and inspiring and creative and bold and daring and . . . true . . . and fulfilling . . . and something much closer to what the kingdom of God is described as. The kingdom of God is here. It is now. One place invites me into that place as a very real and active participant in the plot, in the kingdom of God. The other place, well . . . it feels much more like the way the Pharisees did things. Its honesty. I don't like saying it. But I do believe it. And I do feel it. Lord, calm my restless spirit if this is just a reaction because of something I ate that was bad. Take these dreams away from me if they are for me. If they be from You . . . fuel them. Stoke them. Dare me. DARE ME! You know I want to take You up and You know it scares the hell out of me. I feel truer. I feel much truer. And the feeling is getting stronger all the time. I love You something fierce. Stay my wants and inspire yours.