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Watershed Moment #4 ServLife.org Be Humbled Here My heart is so heavy. I'm just having such a difficult time processing my thoughts on loss, injustice, money, what I can do versus what I will do. So many things are just weighing in on me. A community who loses a friend and a pastor. A friend and community who loses a fiance and worship leader. A young woman in the Sudan fearing rape and genocide. A boy living on $2 a day. A woman in India who was sold as a child to be a sex slave. Man it's so messed up. And everyone is so immobilized to do anything about it. The government can't do anything. They're busy playing games. The church can't do anything. We're to busy patting ourselves on the back and either arguing about the color of the carpet and the selection of hymns or we're buying shinier things that attract "seekers". Both sides are missing it. American Christians can't do anything about it. We're to busy in our own little worlds running around trying to feel important. Important to ourselves. Important to our families. Important to our friends. Important to strangers. I'm sympathetic really. Because I want to feel important too. And I think a good majority of the things that I do (give love, serve others, etc - the things we all do for our family, friends, and strangers) are done as a disguise. Ultimately, a good percentage of the time, they are just to make me feel important, worthwhile. And so even the things that we think really matter . . . they're not the main things. They're not lasting. I think that's why Jesus said you can't love your father and mother and love me. You can't keep your hand on the plow and still love me. Those things are nice. They really are. I love my wife. I love my family. I love my in-laws, who are not in-laws to me, but family. I love my friends. I love strangers. I love my house. I love students. I love people. But do I love Jesus as much? Or am I walking towards Jesus with my head over my shoulders looking back to all the things that help me find my place in this world, my value, my importance. Looking over my back with my mind and heart still tied to the plow (such a great symbol for money) and people. I'm so overwhelmed with my inability to help. And the government's inability. And the church's inability. And Christian's inability. I literally feel the weight of this on my heart. And so I work with students. And I work with the church. And for what? To help people connect or reconnect in their relationship to God? That would be my answer. But then once they do that. Once I do my "job". Then what? Or better yet what are people getting "connected" into? Religion? Christianity? Politics? Theology? What are people getting "saved" into? What's the point if we're not doing anything? What's the point of its more about "us" than is about "them" (as if these terms even register in God's vocabulary when he looks at his children)? What's the point if we treat every day as if its the finish line instead of the starting line? Kyle Lake passed away. Early 30s. Three kids. Great writer. Pastor of a great church. He was doing it. He was living it. He was walking with God. He was making it happen. He was faithful. He was living like he believed God. He was engaging and changing the world. Rick Pearson passed away. 24 years old. Incredible worship leader. Got engaged while he was in his hospital bed. He to was doing it. He to was living it. He was leading people into worship. He was being faithful. He was engaging and changing the world. Josh Brown is living. He's 24 and married to a beautiful girl named Anna. And he spends his money on himself. He thinks about himself. He loves himself. He can't seem to get over himself. Everything he does is for himself. Serving. Singing. Writing. Reading. Learning. Giving. All ways to make him feel more important. More validated. I know when someone passes away, there seems to be some hidden glory in that. Their lives illuminate a little brighter. Their legacy takes shape and form. But they were still doing it. Don Miller has a friend who says to die is not the hard thing. To live is the hard thing. To die for something brings with it glory. Its easy to die for something if you believe that it will bring you glory. Would I die for my friends because I knew it would save them or because I knew it would turn me into a hero, a saint? Don Miller's friend says its the living that is the hard part. What am I living for? Don Miller says belief is not what I say, belief is what I do. What am I living for? What am I living for? Why are 2 "incredible, faithful, relationally in-tune with God" guys gone and I'm left here? The guys who were doing it. The guys who were living it. Making it count. They're no longer on this earth but have found their home and proper place in God's world. And here I am. Still here. Still breathing. My hand on my heart feeling this weight. Feeling the beating. And I'm not doing it. I'm not living it. God, help me to stand up. Help me to move into the place where your sons used to stand. Help me to love God, embrace beauty, and live life to the full (thats what Kyle said as he closed everyone of his messages). Help me to do something worthwhile. Something worth remembering. Not for my importance. But for yours. I hurt. I ache. And I am still hoping. I am still breathing. Help me to live like it. Help me to live like I belive that. there's darkness in my skin my cover is wearing thin i believe i'd love to start again and go back to innocence and never leave don't give up now a break in the clouds we could be found and there's nothing wrong with me its just that i believe things could get better and there's nothing wrong with love i think its just enough to believe don't give up now a break in the clouds we could be found rescue is coming and there's nothing wrong with you and nothing left to do but to believe something bigger and there's nothing wrong with love i know its just enough to believe -crowder Crowder sang this song last night at a concert I was at. Earlier in the day he helped write the obituary for his pastor and friend, Kyle. The guys flew out early to be at the funeral today. And they sang this song in the middle of pain and hurt and grief. And I sing it again now.