welcome to the story.

Its been two weeks since my last concise thoughts. And it feels longer. I feel that I am someone else today. Wanting to be someone else. Somewhere else. Its not that I'm depressed. Normally thats where recent events would have delivered me in the past. Did deliver me in the past. No, I'm not depressed. It has more to do with disappointment. Disillusionment. Both of which turn my heart cold and render my passion dead, served on a platter as a sacrifice to those who demand it to cease. I'm not a martyr. I'm not claiming to be. But I am tired. Of fighting. Of advancing. Does it mean I'm going to stop? I seriously doubt it. No amount of broken thoughts will force me to abandon what is right and true. You can't neuter me. But you can disappoint me. And you have. Who has? Everyone and no one. Both of which include me. And don't include me. That isn't some paradoxical, cyclical phrase. Its both/and truth. Maybe my disappointment has more to do with me looking inward at me. How can I be disappointed in others, if I disappoint others? I guess thats what makes us human . . . our ever present frailty. I don't know. But it makes me want to give up. It makes me want to walk away. But instead, I'll reject that and move forward. Slowly but surely. Battered, pissed, and frustrated at times. But moving forward nonetheless. I don't have it all figured out. I don't want to figure it all out. To much responsibility comes with that. But I'm going to start out of WHO I AM. I'm not going to be pulled into apathy. Into boredom. Into triviality. Into all things tame. I will not settle anymore. I will live with hope and adventure and mystery and danger and abandon and confidence. Frailty and all.