welcome to the story.

lately, there has just been this constant battle within me between the sacred and the corrupt, between my flesh and my spirit. somedays, i feel like the distance between me and God because of my corruption is as far as it is from me to the moon and other times I feel like He's as close as my skin. one day, i feel the most intimate connection, and others i feel as if my sin has severed the connection between myself and God where it feels as if my life is hanging on the edge of a blade. but even in these times where i feel this huge disconnected gap, i have this longing and burning to be kissed and touched by the very hand of God. and its so hard for me to find the words to express to God exactly what I want to say. what i want to ask forgiveness for. to tell him my longings and desires and frustrations and hopes. i know i'm not making sense and i probably sound like a nut job. but i just feel like i've had this "monkey on my back" that at times crushes my spirit and others raises it up victorious through Christ. does that make sense. the last two days have just been a really fresh realization that His hand is always there waiting to satisfy my longing and thirst. the problem is not on His end, but on my end. the problem comes in when i don't internalize the truths of redemption and freedom that are found through the cross. so the last 2 days i've kind of gotten hit with the freshness of those truths.