welcome to the story.

Showdown Week One We are beginning a new series about our relationship with our parents . . . a new conversation about parents and about us and how we are supposed to do �life� together. We all have questions like: How do we honor our parents? How do we follow their authority? How can we defuse the tension that exists in our homes? How can we coexist with each other without going nuts or going at each other�s throats? The whole purpose of Showdown is to answer these questions. And we called the series Showdown for a reason. Because for most of you in here, your encounters with your parents, your conversations, your interactions with each other, usually end up in a showdown posture. Where you both end up staring at each other, or yelling at each other, or cussing at each other, and waiting to see who will blink first. You push and push and push for your way or your opinion to be heard. And they push and push and push back to validate their authority. And in the middle of that stare down is a tension that fills the room and an emotion (anger, resentment, bitterness, etc.) that fills your heart. The interesting thing is that none of us are immune to this tension. We�ve all been there at some point. We�ve all stared down the barrel of our parents and refused to blink. And we�ve all pointed our guns at our parents and refused to lay them down. And usually what happens in the showdown 9 times out of 10 is that a shot gets fired. Maybe it�s something physical. Maybe a hand is raised or maybe someone rolls their eyes. Or maybe someone just turns their back. Maybe it�s just a word. But what usually happens is that when that shot gets fired, the bottom drops out. Tempers flare. Emotions get peaked. Words get dropped. And when the dust settles and everything is over with, all that is left is destruction. Damage is done to our relationship with our parents. Damage is done to our self worth. Damage is done to our happiness. Damage is done to our world. You think, in a perfect world none of this would happen to you. You would never be faced with a showdown. You would never get into a war of words with your parents. In a perfect world your parents would both still be married. And they would both be Christians. Your brothers and sisters would be halfway normal. You would all sit down at 5:00 to eat dinner. And they would make you a nice little brown bag lunch every morning complete with a Little Debbie and a Snack Pack. This would be a really easy series to do if there was some framework or a certain mold that I could fit everyone�s family in here into. Where I could say that we all have the same situations, the same family personalities, the same people, the same look. But that�s not reality. And that�s not your family. We all have a different picture of what a family is. We all have a different lens through which we see family. Our perspective is unique for each and everyone us. And nobody really understands your perspective. Our families, plain and simple, are just very different. For some of you, your parents are divorced, while others in here your parents have been married for 20 plus years. Some of you have step brothers and half brothers and quarter brothers, while some of you only have brothers that you wish could be divided up and moved farther away than the flesh and blood that they are. Some of you live in a house where there are no rules and your curfew is anytime before your parents wake up the next morning. While some of you live in a house that fills something like a Cold War regime and a curfew that is before the sun goes down. Some of you haven�t had a home cooked meal in years and live off of fast food and frozen dinners while others in here eat pork chops, fried okra, and green beans every night. Some of you have parents who are deeply involved in your life. They help you with school projects, go to your games, attend your recitals, and encourage you on a regular basis. While some of you have parents who live in other states and you�re just wondering if they are going to remember your birthday this year. And some of us have this perfect Brady Bunch type of family where you do sack races outside every afternoon before your evening barbeque while others of us have our closest encounters with our parents as we awkwardly pass each other in the hall or yell to each other from two different floors in the house. Some of us have parents who are rich and some of us are just begging for our dad to make an alimony payment. That�s because my family situation is unique to me and your family situation is unique to you and we all have different families. But despite all these differences, despite our very different lens and frameworks for dealing with our family, there are some similarities. There are points in which are very different roads intersect and converge with each other. Despite the family differences of the people sitting next to you, there are some similarities. Because what causes arguments with your parents is what causes arguments with my parents and with all of our parents. The showdown inevitably occurs over the same things. Curfew, rules, the computer, time, priorities, school, expectations, responsibilities. That�s where the showdown occurs. That�s what we all end up fighting over, no matter how similar or different our family situations are. But here�s the deal. I don�t think any of us ever really wake up in the morning purposely desiring to disobey our parents. No one wakes up and says, �Blue skies. Sunny and breezy. It�s a beautiful day to dishonor my mom.� But in our pursuit of freedom, dishonor becomes a byproduct. In our pursuit of ourselves, we begin to walk away from authority. There comes a point in our lives where we begin to unplug from our parents, where we begin to separate or distance ourselves from their influence and their authority. This process is called �growing up� and it�s a very natural process. And in the beginning it�s not even a conscious decision. It�s more of a subconscious, natural process. As we begin to become an INDIVIDUAL we begin to think like an INDIVIDUAL. As a child, you don�t think for yourself, act for yourself, even speak for yourself. Your parents assume that role out of necessity. But as we grow up, as we begin to assume the roles that our parents used to occupy, we begin to think and act for ourselves. It�s the process of becoming an INDIVIDUAL. But if we�re not careful, this process of becoming an individual can become confused with or blurred with the idea of individualism. Where we begin to say, I know what I�m doing. I know better. I want to do it my way. My way is better. And so the natural process of growing up and becoming an individual, an adult independent of our parents making the decisions for us, we lose sight of the God-given roles of parents. And in broader terms, the God-given role of authority. What happens when we do this is that we begin to rebel. And we begin to make our choices centered and based off of rebellion. A perfect example is the story of the prodigal son. One of the most multilayered and multidimensional stories in the entire Bible. Jesus tells this story about a man and his son in Luke 15:11-13. "There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, "Father, I want right now what's coming to me. It wasn't long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had.� Here is the story of a son and a Father. The story gives you no introduction as to whether or not the father was a good parent or a bad parent. Whether he encouraged his son or ignored him. Whether he treated him fairly or unfairly. But the story begins with the son coming to the father and asking for his inheritance. Asking for his share of the future. The request reeks with selfish overtones. In his request, the son is basically saying, �I don�t need you. I don�t need your provision any more. I don�t need your help. I don�t need your love. I don�t need your authority. I don�t need your perspective. Just give me what I deserve. What I need. What I want. And give it to me now.� Man, that is so incredibly selfish. I mean that�s the way we always look at this story. The story of the selfish son. And we always look down on him for being so self-centered, unwise, and impatient. But how many of us in our own ways interact with our parents much the same way. �You want me to wear my hair short. Ok, I want to grow it out long.� �I can�t have a tattoo. I�ll just get one at Spring Break.� �You want me to major in this. Well, I�ll major in that.� �You want me to be home at 11. Then I�m going to sneak in at 11:30.� �You don�t want me to date him. Well I�m going to do it anyway.� You see all of us at some point have made either a conscious or subconscious decision just like this. We�ve made a decision based on rebellion. That�s the type of decision that the prodigal son made and we all look and frown down on his decision. So why do we continually make decisions just like his. Decisions and choices based off of selfish desires. Decisions and choices rooted in rebellion. We get so wrapped up in doing the opposite of what our parents wants that we never really ask ourselves what we really want. Or better yet, what are parents are even suggesting or why they are suggesting it. We just become dead set on doing the opposite of our parents. And as we grow older, as we try and try to become more of an individual, more of an adult, we instead find ourselves becoming more and more the opposite of our parents than we do becoming more and more like ourselves. The decision and choices that we begin to make as a teenager, as a college student, as a young adult are never really things we necessarily want, but have more to do with choosing the things that we were never allowed to have. Your parents wouldn�t ever let you watch a certain show, so when you move out of the house, the first thing you do is watch the show. Your parents wouldn�t ever let you go to a party or be around alcohol, so the first chance you get, you give it a try. Usually decisions like this are not based on what we want, but on what our parents didn�t want for us. So we choose the opposite. Its ingrained in our spiritual DNA to be rebellious. We were born self-centred. As humans, we rebel. That�s what we do. It�s kind of the thing we are famous for. But have we stopped and asked ourselves why? Why are we being rebellious? Why are we being selfish? Why do we want to do it our way? Why aren�t we interested in listening to our parents opinion and perspective? Why do we not want to obey their rules? We never ask ourselves these questions. We just get stuck in a cycle of rebellion. Where we just rebel because that�s what you do. You fight with your parents. And they fight back. And that�s life. But that�s missing God�s heart. This is going to blow your mind and I�m not sure its even an accurate insight. But while working on this message, this insight kind of hit me. And it has to do with why your parents were given to you. And even on a much broader scale, why was authority put in place, by God, for us? And here�s my accurate (or inaccurate � you decide) insight. The reason God gave us parents. And the reason God gave us authority figures and structures in our lives is for the sole purpose of instructing us and providing us with perspective that we ourselves can not have at a limited age. Sounds simple. Yet most of think God created our parents for the purpose of torturing us. Or grounding us. Or creating off-the-wall rules. We never stop and think that God actually provided us with parents for a reason. That God actually provided authority to us for a reason. And it�s all about perspective. Youth is a very good thing. In our youth, we are very passionate, optimistic, excited, faithful, upbeat. But we are not good at perspective. We do not have the ability to see long term. This is no fault of our own. We just do not have a very large currency of wisdom, maturity, and experience built up. So in our youth, we just lack the ability to see down the road. We lack perspective. We only see our lives in the immediate. And could it be that the reason that God provided us with parents and other authority figures like government, teachers, pastors, and small group leaders is so that we could have valuable resources around us and over us that have the ability to look at for our best interests long term? It�s a good thing that Alan Greenspan is figuring out the financial figures for our country and not me. It�s a good thing that President Bush is making decisions about national security and the economy and not me. And it�s a good thing that our parents our making an effort to provide perspective for us. Authority was not created by God to oppress or us to hold us down or to make us feel inferior. Authority was created, so that if we were willing to submit to it, we would have someone who could provide the wisdom, maturity, and experience that we lack. But what happens is that we step outside of our parents authority. We decide we are smarter than they are. We know more than they do. We have more wisdom on the topic than they do. And we become like the prodigal son saying, �I want to do it my way, on my time frame, and when I want it.� And selfish, selfish, selfish we become. And the showdown becomes less about us submitting to the authority that God has set up over us and becomes more about us being �right�. Do you want to know if you are like the prodigal son? Do you want to know if you truly respect your parent�s authority? Do you want to know if you are honoring your parents? Well ask yourself this question, �How many times am I wrong when I fight with them? How many times do I admit that they were right and I was wrong?� Because for most of us, we are always right and our parents are always wrong. We are never wrong and our parents are never right. And what God wants to teach us is that its not about being right in an argument with your parents. It�s about honoring them in everything you do, even when you disagree. Because the quality of our relationships horizontally determines the quality of your relationship vertically. And the quality of your relationship vertically, determines the quality of your relationship horizontally. I�m not saying you can�t ever have a disagreement. I�m not saying you can�t ever push an issue. But it�s not about being right. It�s saying, �I will honor you. I will value your role in my life. I will value your perspective�. You�re not always going to agree. You will still have arguments. But you have to begin entering a posture of submission, where we humble ourselves and our ability to be right. And shift away from it being about us and towards it being about God. It�s tough. It involves our pride. But pride is most often the source of rebellion. It�s time we lay down our weapons. Walk away from ourselves. And walk towards God.