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I�ve been thinking a little bit lately about �repentance�. And what that word means. Not just as some shallow word that religious people like to say. Or like zealots when they say, �Repent for the kingdom of God is at hand.� Whatever that means. The word has just been rolling around in the back of my head over the past week or so. Repent. Repentance. What does that mean outside of the clich�s? I think the word needs to be redeemed from the way it�s been used. It�s become a church word, indeed a clich�, and I think it has lost some of its meaning because of that. A quick and easy word that is supposed to provide a quick and easy solution. But I think to treat it as a clich� misses it. Its not really that faithful to the guts of it. So I�ve been trying to think fully and deeply on this word. To sit with it. I�ve wanted to quit. I�ve wanted to walk away from it. But it keeps playing on my tongue. Keeps darting around in my thoughts. In my self-dialogues. The Hebrew language uses two verbs to describe it. These words are where we get our English word of �repent� in the Old Testament. From this original Hebrew verbs . . . shuv and nicham (the best I can do with an English keyboard). Shuv means to return. Nicham means to feel sorrow. In the New Testament, a Greek word is used . . . metanoia. This is a compound word, with �meta� meaning �after� and �noeo� meaning �to think differently�. So metanoia means to think differently after. To return. To feel sorrow. To think differently after. Its hard to make that a clich�. To think differently after. What does that mean? What do I do with that? How do I . . . �repent�? What does it look like? Does it even have a look? I don�t know. For the longest time, I thought repentance was about saying words. Kind of like confession. If I confessed it . . . made myself feel guilty . . . in order to make myself feel sorry . . . then that was good. Just confess it. Try to make myself cry. Try to make myself feel sorry. Learn from my mistake and try to do better the next time. I don�t know but that feels shallow. I feel like I�m robbing the word. And for some reason I always associated it with like big sins. Like if I looked at some bad stuff . . . I should repent. Or if I kissed my girlfriend for to long . . . I should repent. Or if I was living in this huge, gross, over the top �sin�, I should repent. If I was gay . . . if I killed somebody . . . if I beat an old lady with her own cane because I wanted to take her groceries . . . I should repent. You know like all of these BIG, BAD �sins�. I needed to repent of those. And I guess the good news for most of you, including myself, is that I don�t really have a lot of BIG, BAD �sins�. I stopped being a pervert a long time ago. And I haven�t really struggled with killing anybody or beating any grannies up lately. But as I�m learning that �sins� are simply a separation from the way of Jesus to my way. And that there isn�t actually a degree of difference in the outcome between these "sins", between these separations. Where there are BIG, BAD sins and little, baby sins. That a sin is anything that takes me from the path of Jesus out onto my own little path. I�ve begun to realize that I have a whole lot of . . . how shall we say . . . "stuff" . . . that I need to repent of. A whole lot. Not a clich�. Not a confession. Not a word. Not a prayer. But an actual deep repentance. �To return� from my path to the path of Jesus. From my way to the way of Jesus. To perhaps �feel sorrow�. But to �think differently after�. To let my experience change me. To let it shape me. To learn from it. To become different because of it. So maybe I don�t do these BIG, BAD things anymore. But I am really kind of a cynical guy at times. Is that sin? Is that devination from the way of Jesus? I�m constantly seeing the junk in other peoples eyes before I take a look at the freaking plank in my own. Have I left the way of Jesus on that one? I�m constantly sizing people up. Judging people by what they think, what they believe. What path am I on, on that one? This kind of fits in with what I�m reading about exclusion and embrace. Because for me, embracing is a kind of repentance. The �other� � those that are different than me � I really need to embrace. That�s the way of repentance for me on that issue. The way of embrace. On being cynical . . . I need to overcome that with hope and perspective and generosity of spirit. That�s an action. That�s a punch, counterpunch. I want to separate from the way of Jesus . . . punch. Counterpunch* . . . I repent. I turn it from a clich� into an action. Into a lifestyle. Into a way. Repentance is a way. It�s a path. I�ve used that language for a reason. Because its just that. Its not a noun. Not a theology. Not a church word. But a path that we must CHOOSE to enter into. Saying prayers of repentance are easy. Giving a confession of repentance is easy. Entering into a way of repentance . . . that�s hard. Real hard. But it�s my choice. To treat this word as something nice to say, but rarely do . . . or to live the word. Let it make me uncomfortable. Let it unsettle me. Let it inspire me. And I think that�s repentance. As much a social and physical reality as it is a spiritual reality. Repent. Repent. To think differently after. To think differently after. To think differently after. * Sorry about all the punch, counterpunch talk. I�ve been playing Mortal Kombat a lot lately so I have some kung-fu imagery in my head these days.